On Saturday I was on bracelet duty at the Dan’s Taste of Two Forks event in Bridgehampton, which was a huge success. Bracelet duty was extremely interesting to me. My days as the web editor of danshamptons.com are filled with having to please a lot of people on short notice. When it comes to Internet publishing, people expect things to go up online the second that they tell you about it, and because that is impossible, they are constantly annoyed about how “slow” you are at getting news online. Even when that involves putting up hundreds of pictures at a time, and doing research. It comes with the territory when you are an editor. And you have to develop a sort of superman-like ability when it comes to getting stuff online.
Being the bracelet guy at a major event in the Hamptons however, has a much different feel in terms of a job.
First off, everyone that approaches you looks completely desperate. Grown men dressed in suits look at you like you are their savior in life. “Are you the guy I’m supposed to give my ticket to for a bracelet? I have my ticket,” they say with puppy dog eyes, desperate to get into the tent. [expand]
“I’m here for you buddy, let me see your wrist and we’ll get you inside.”
David Rattiner. Bracelet hero.
I felt really good when I could help them out so easily and quickly, and after about an hour, I became so fast at putting bracelets on people’s wrists, I was impressing myself. I was like a bracelet ninja.
One of my biggest fascinations with putting bracelets on other people’s wrists was how many women are unable to tolerate bracelets that were “tight.” We were told to make sure that we put the bracelets on snugly so people couldn’t easily take them off and then share them with an outsider who had not paid for a ticket, but I learned in a very short amount of time that there are a lot of women out there who feel like they are going to die if a bracelet is put on them too tightly.
“Okay ma’am, here is your bracelet, enjoy the party.”
“OH MY GOD!”
“Ma’am, what is it?”
“It’s so tight! Why is this so tight? Do you have scissors?”
This was kind of troubling, because on the one hand, I could see a watch and another bracelet on her other wrist fitted quite snugly around her wrist, while the bracelet I just put on could easily move up and down her arm. Was she trying to outfox me into putting on a bracelet not too tightly so she could pull it off and give it to somebody else? Possibly, but I couldn’t know for sure.
“Ma’am, we’ll cut this one off and I’ll get you another one.”
Then there were the people who you just couldn’t please. One guy who had left his ticket at home and had to drive all the way back to get it was not happy when he came to me. “Everything’s gonna be alright sir. You’re here to have a good time, go and have fun.”
And he nodded to me. “Thanks, pal.”
I’m a pretty tall and a pretty big guy, so people are always kind of put off by my niceness. But the truth is that most big guys are nice, because we have to be. It’s like being a pit bull, there are no second chances for you when you are a big guy and if you get angry it shocks and scares people. Ironically, big guys are always expected to be aggressive, and in the ancient days, this was probably true, but today, we’ve all learned that we have to remain calm. [/expand]