How to Play the Big Shot at the Hamptons International Film Festival

The Hamptons International Film Festival draws quite an interesting group of people. There are the real directors, writers, producers and movie stars, and then there are the wannabes who will do anything and everything to get into the “cool” party to schmooz with the “right” people, make a connection and get catapulted to fame and fortune.

Unfortunately, the latter approach applies to an unfortunate number of people who go to the HIFF.

The problem with this is, everybody is trying to do the same thing. Which poses a bit of a problem for you dreamers and schemers out there. But all is not lost. Here are some insider tips on how you can drop a line to George Clooney to get him into your next film. Or at least get him to glance your way.

1. Wear a Suit: Whether you are a man or a woman, wear a suit to EVERYTHING. Practically everyone who shows up at these things tends to dress like a hipster; you are not standing out by wearing skinny jeans and black-rimmed glasses. But if you are in a suit, the hipsters (and hot actresses and actors, for that matter) will approach YOU instead of the other way around. Mr. Clooney will take notice, and the rest will be HIFF history.

2. Don’t Talk To Anybody. At Any Time. Ever: If you really want to stand out as the cool guy or girl in the room, the one who knows the movie business, TALK TO NO ONE. Sit yourself in a section of the party or premiere where it looks as if you want no one to notice you. Everyone will THINK you so over this whole movie-star-and-being-rich-thing that they’ll be drawn to you.

3. Never Say You Are in the Movie Business: If you say you are in the movie business at a HIFF party, you have shot yourself in the foot regarding gaining access to movie people who actually are in the business. It’s simple: anybody who is anybody who is really in the movie business is already known, so if you brag about how you just hopped on the Jitney from the city and have a movie production company in Brooklyn, they will deduce you are talking about your shared dorm room and cell phone camera. Instead, casually drop that you are in some completely unrelated business— like coffee distribution or cardboard corrugation.

4. Don’t Ever Say the Film Sucked: Okay, this seems like a no brainer, but you may have to deal with the occasion when certain films you’ve decided to see are genuinely God awful and you almost pass out watching them. How in their right mind did somebody make a movie about a guy who spends all day sleeping at an airport? STEVEN SPEILBERG THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA, AND SO SHOULD YOU.

5. Be Honest. As you must be with all movie people, at all times be honest, or you’ll never get anywhere. See you at the Film Festival. Tell George Clooney I said “Hi” if you ever bump into him.

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