Week of October 27 – November 2, 2011

Week of October 27 – November 2, 2011

Riders this week: 11,001

Rider miles this week: 93,824

DOWN IN THE TUBE

Actress, songwriter and beautiful person Jennifer Lopez was seen on the subway heading eastbound from the Westhampton Beach station toward Quogue. She was accompanied by about half a dozen pieces of luggage and a handsome young male friend with a two-day growth of beard apparently there to help her move into her new home in Water Mill.

HOT COFFEE PROMOTION CANCELLED

The new promotion in which free Styrofoam cups of hot coffee were handed out beginning at 6 a.m. to everyone heading across all the platforms was cancelled after just one day on Monday. It seemed appreciated by most of the straphangers, but it turned out that the lurching of the trains going through the tunnels combined with the failure of our public relations department to provide lids for the coffee created a real problem when put into practice. All dry cleaning and laundry bills should be sent to Howard Bimson, Hampton Subway HQ., Public Relations Department, Box 74112, Ponquogue Avenue, Hampton Bays 11946. Bimson promises to give each such claim his immediate attention. [expand]

ALL DAY RIDE PROMOTION ALSO CANCELLED 

A second promotion started by Howard Bimson on Monday was also cancelled on Tuesday after just one day. This promotion allowed all straphangers who swiped their cards in the morning on Monday to come back later in the day and be able to use the subway for free after that until the subway closed at 2 a.m. So many people came back with their swipe cards in the afternoon for the free ride that the trains were just jammed with people standing-room-only beginning at the five o’clock rush and right through to closing. Since that also coincided with the continued free coffee promotion during that day, the whole thing was just a disaster. Extra crews had to be called in during the night between 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. when the subway is closed, to clean up the rivers of spilt coffee during those hours.

As a sidelight to this, Howard Mergenthaller, the chief foreman for the cleanup and maintenance crews said in the morning that the spilt coffee got the interiors of the cars cleaner than they had been in years. “I think we are on to something,” he said. He intends to talk to the Commissioner about this before the week is out.

SCARY TRAIN THIS MONDAY

Next Monday evening from 6 to 8 p.m., everybody is invited to bring their kids down to all the platforms to join in a new P.R. promotion called SCARY TRAIN. During those hours, employees of the Subway system, dressed in scary costumes such as Dracula, the Joker, the Devil and Ghosts of Christmas Pasts, will be jumping out from the alcoves and storerooms alongside all the tunnels to scare everybody in the Scary Train as it drives by. Regular riders should take note of this.

This promotion is to be the first of many new promotions and ideas put forward by our new P.R. Director Rocco Fogliari, recently employed as a P.R. agent for F.E.M.A. Fogliari has taken over from Howard Bimson who resigned his past Thursday to become chief toll taker on the Triborough (RFK) Bridge that connects Manhattan, the Bronx and Queens. We wish him the best for a job well done on his brief watch with us.

NEW SHOVEL READY PROGRAM

The U. S. Government is going to pay to have 35 track inspectors hired to walk the Hampton Subway system at 5:30 a.m. after all maintenance is completed to double check and confirm that everything is in order with the tracks and light bulbs in the tunnels for the opening of the subway line for the morning rush at 6 a.m. every day for the next six months. Those wishing to apply must have good night vision, be available for night shifts five days a week between November 15 and May 15 next year, be less than six foot three, have good balance (to avoid the third rail), have work clothes and sneakers, be able to screw and unscrew light bulbs, be able to handle a shovel and dust pan and have a valid U. S. passport in order to apply.

Interviews will be held at our Hampton Bays office headquarters beginning at noon Monday, but don’t bother to come until next Thursday because we can only interview 1,000 people a day and all is booked up until then. Interviews will continue on until November 14, when the lucky winners of jobs will be selected by lottery from the stacks of those qualified. The work would begin the next day.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

Hampton Subway is looking to market Maxwell House Coffee (decaf – Guatemalan Mountain blend) as a new form of metal polish. Anyone interested in helping out in this effort should contact me at my Hampton Bays office any time this week before I go off on my vacation to Monaco. Ask for the Executive Suite and Gladys.

BACK TO The Hamptons Subway

 

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