Sometimes I Wish Venison Were the Food of Choice on Thanksgiving

There really is nothing quite like it. You’re driving along, things are going great, when out of nowhere the stupidest animal in the history of animals darts out in front of you at full speed and turns its head toward your headlights.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU DAMNED DEER!!!”

You slam on the brakes, swerve your car and just miss him (and thousands of dollars of damage to your car). If only there were a way to lower the population of these creatures. Hunt them? We just don’t have enough people on the East End who are into it.

The great Hamptons Turkey Hunt began yesterday as small game hunting officially opened for one week on Long Island, allowing hunters to head out onto state-owned land, armed with guns and permits, and go catch Thanksgiving dinner.

But we don’t have a turkey problem. We have a deer problem. I think I’ve seen, at most, five living turkeys in my life out here. On very rare occasions, they are on the side of the road. And this week they probably won’t be there anymore because some hunter has his scope targeted at them.

But what a different world we’d live in if only it had been decreed that venison be the meat of choice on Thanksgiving when the national holiday was established by Abraham Lincoln back in 1863. Maybe it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. I’d probably be driving along looking out for a turkey in my headlights and complaining about a turkey that dashed out in front of me.

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