I’m Going To Make A Fortune With My Friend Andy Warhole

I am always coming up with ideas on how to make money. Some of them haven’t panned out but I will not be deterred. This one is a sure thing!

I was watching the news the other day and there was a story about how a guy named Andy Fields bought five paintings at a Las Vegas garage sale for $5. When he decided to reframe them he discovered an original Andy Warhol sketch hidden behind one of them. It has been reported to be valued at more than $1 million. That is quite fortunate for Fields but maybe even more fortunate for me, as it gave me a brilliant money-making idea.

The 1963 Warhol canvas titled Eight Elvises fetched $100 million. The private transaction was reported in a 2009 article in The Economist, which described Warhol as the “bellwether of the art market” Warhol’s works include some of the most expensive paintings ever sold.

Most East Enders are aware that many years ago, Mr. Warhol along with a group of other artists made Montauk their home away from home. In a way they actually helped put Montauk on the map. What many don’t know is that Warhol was born on August 6, 1928, the youngest son of Ondrej and Julia Warhola (not Ondrej and Julia Warhol.)

The East End is still known for its artists and art aficionados so I am going to take advantage of that fact and open an Andy Warhole Gallery. That’s right, Andy Warhole. Mr. Warhole is a local guy I found through the Internet. His name is spelled differently than Warhol or Warhola, but close enough to confuse people. Mr. Warhole’s principal employment is that of an animal psychologist, providing services to local celebrities, whose animals have emotional issues. Animal suicide attempts have been down the last few years so his business has been slow. He was more than willing, for a 50% ownership position, to lend his name to the Gallery. I think people are so busy they won’t realize the difference in the spelling of the names (Warhole vs. Warhol) and will visit the studio.

I have convinced the owner of an awesome building in Montauk to dedicate the Warhole Gallery Space rent-free, for a 45% ownership position. I have already contacted a leading Manhattan Publicist who is willing to promote the Gallery for a 15% ownership. I will be offering Dan a 10% ownership as compensation for advertising in Dan’s Papers. I have agreed to a 20% ownership with a major East End Celebrity, in return for an endorsement and to be present at the Gallery Opening and future events. I will also be donating a 20% ownership to The Montauk Starving Artist Fund.

As for the artwork I will be selling, I recently ran across a computer program that can take any scanned picture and convert the image to one that is Warholesque.

It takes 10 minutes for me to create a one-of-a-kind 8.5 x 11 inch Warhole. So that means I can do six an hour. I intend to sell them for slightly less than what a real Warhol would sell for.

And so quite possibly, just by virtue of the fact that some guy happened across a genuine Warhol at a garage sale in Las Vegas, I may now have a mega-million dollar enterprise that will offer me financial stability for life. Thanks Mr. Warhol and Mr. Warhole. The only other thing I need to do is find a good accountant, as I am not very good calculating numbers or percentages.

Note: If for some reason the Warhole Gallery doesn’t work out, I also have a lead on an Italian guy in The North Fork with the last name of Picazzo. Sounds like Picasso.

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