The famous Sea Shadow stealth ship is up for auction. And while the high-tech military sea vessel cost more than $195 million to develop, you can pick it up at auction for a beginning bid of $50,000.
But there is a major catch to you evil Hamptonytes out there who were thinking about picking this thing up and rolling it into Sag Harbor and parking it next to Pat Malloy’s Intuition yacht and being like, “What’s up bro? Deal with this.”
“The ex-Sea Shadow shall be disposed of by completely dismantling and scrapping within the USA,” reads the item’s description on the GSA website. “Dismantling is defined as reducing the property such as it has no value except for its basic material content.”
So in other words, you can buy it, but then you have to destroy it.
You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can’t be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!
Okay, so fine, you have to destroy it after you buy it. But I betcha, that at least for one night, you could keep it in tact and roll that baby into the Hamptons and throw a kick ass Doctor Evil party. And then at the end of the party, you could blow it up with a torpedo and then launch fireworks into the air. God bless this great country.
Just think of the women who would go to that party?! It would be incredible!
I like to see girls of that… caliber. And by “caliber,” of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters… Two meanings… caliber… it’s a homonym… Forget it.