A 66 Story Hamptons Skyscraper Faces Manhattan

I have always wanted to be an architect. If it wasn’t for the required schooling, I could have been an architect. I won’t let a small thing like that stop me. Thanks to my vision and desire, the area’s first skyscraper is now officially on the drawing board (in my spare bedroom). In pursuit of the development, I have hosted meetings with various high-ranking local and state officials. I can’t disclose their names or the exact location of the proposed development, because I am still in negotiations for the land purchase. These matters are quite sensitive.

I am asking for your support on a referendum to amend the current land use plan and allow the development to go forward. Before you get your panties in a wad, I ask you to look at the plan specifics and its inherent benefits.

With land in the area being at a premium and expansion limited by the fact that we are principally surrounded by water, it is only natural that we go vertical. The area population has been increasing for a few hundred years, so it is only a matter of time before the need for more living and workspace will arise. Let’s do it now while we can control it and gain the greatest benefit.

The 66-story building will be a showcase for the area. It will have a 300 x 100 foot neon sign on the roof facing in the direction of Manhattan. This will serve to show those stuck-up Manhattanites that they are not the only ones who can design and build a landmark. The sign will be leased to a major sponsor like they do at stadiums. The revenue from this will be distributed to all locals on an equal basis.

Let’s look at some of the other benefits. The building has five floors designated for parking.  It can support the building with spaces to spare.  These can be used to help with some of the current roadside parking issues that take place every summer. Like what I am saying?

The top floor will be a private club designated “For Locals Only” and it will rival anything Manhattan has to offer. The views will be spectacular.

There will be an art gallery on the 54th floor, which will exceed the experience of being at the Louvre or Guggenheim.  Locals will no longer have to travel to other places for cultural fulfillment.

The 47th Floor will be feature a 1000 seat theatre for top-shelf performances and shows. I already have emails into Andrea Bocelli and Yo-Yo Ma.  I also have a friend that has connections with Cirque b Soleil.

There will be three helicopter pads on the roof. All locals that have access to a helicopter will receive five complimentary landings and takeoffs per month.

Restaurants you ask? Every great chef will want to have a presence in our 31st floor luxury food court. Locals will get a 5% discount on all meals for their natural lives (Dine-in only and no other offers are valid in conjunction with the discount).

Who wouldn’t want world-class health club and spa services in their own back yard?  In addition to the 1200 condos, there will also be a luxury hotel. Locals will no longer be forced to let their undesirable relatives stay with them, as they will be entitled to 30-free hotel days per year (subject to availability).

Forget those Connecticut casinos. The 63rd Floor will have a full service casino and sports book. I have done my research, and I believe the State of New York can only regulate gambling below 500 feet. A portion of the revenue generated from the casino will be dedicated so that no local will ever have to pay property taxes again. That’s right…all property taxes for homeowners and businesses will be abated forever!

I could go on and on, but I have to get to Manhattan and confront some guy named Trump who is trying to steal my site and build an even taller skyscraper.

I look forward to your support.

 

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