The Big TOTF Forks Have Been Stolen! And We’re Mad As Hell!

You may have seen the giant two forks around town that symbolize the Dan’s Taste of Two Forks event. We’ve taken pictures of these two massive forks pretty much everywhere and have posted the pictures to our website.

But last week, they were stolen. STOLEN!

During the event, the two forks were hoisted up into the air and attached to the tent at the entrance. The forks seemed happy there, but by the end of the night, one of the staff members of Dan’s Papers noticed that they went missing.

It’s a mystery!

The mystery of the missing two forks began to unravel, as nobody knew where they went, and it was quickly deducted that the forks had been stolen, and staff members believe that somebody cut down the two forks during the event while nobody was looking and made off with them as a “sovenier” of some sorts.

It’s sad, because instead of the two forks having a happy home inside of the offices of Dan’s Papers, we are guessing that they are now proudly displayed inside of somebody’s dorm room. But don’t think we’re not on the case….

We’ve already hired Long Island’s top private investigator into the matter, Woody Herman, who is known as “The Sherlock Holmes of the Hamptons.” Woody is on the hunt for the forks, and is already following up on leads, which includes finger prints that are being processed off of the straps that were cut when the theft occurred. Woody has assured us here at Dan’s Papers, “It seemed to me that a careful examination of the room and the lawn might possibly reveal some traces of this mysterious individual. You know my methods, there was not one of them which I did not apply to the inquiry. And it ended by my discovering traces, but very different ones from those which I had expected.”

We want our forks back!

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