Hamptons Police Blotter: MVIS, LVIS and Explosions

A crazy bunch of things happened this week in the Hamptons when it comes to the law. If you are looking to laugh  right now, you’re in for a treat.

 

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 104-year-old President of the Men’s Village Improvement Society on Shelter Island, and former World War II battalion commander, was arrested last week during the M.V.I.S. carnival that took place on Shelter Island. McGumbus was arrested for public intoxication, public  urination, disorderly conduct and assault with a deadly weapon after he fired a bazooka rocket at the Shelter Island Hipster and Coffee House, which completely destroyed the building. McGumbus was giving a speech at the fair when he fired the rocket, stating, “The purposes for which the Men’s Village Improvement Society is formed are for the maintenance and preservation of historical landmarks and for the maintenance of ponds, parks, greens and trees on Shelter Island and its vicinity. By detonating this damn hippie headquarters on Shelter Island, I am IMPROVING this island!” McGumbus had already been arrested prior to firing the rocket for public intoxication and disorderly conduct after he cheated during a Jell-o wrestling match against his ex-wife, Suzie McBisquick, current President of the Ladies Village Improvement Society on Shelter Island, as well as Edna McHuckleberry, McGumbus’ other ex-wife. The two ganged up on him during the Wild Turkey Jell-o wrestling match to gain revenge for scheduling the MVIS fair the exact same day as the LVIS fair, only two hours earlier, so all of the ticket sales went to MVIS. Not to be ganged up on however, McGumbus, drunk off of Wild Turkey Jell-o, began biting McBisquick’s arm during the eighth round of the match. After he was arrested, he was released 15 minutes later.

 

SHOTS FIRED!

Police in Southampton are investigating handgun fire that was reported at the beach off of the Shinnecock Indian Reservation.

 

More Car Accidents, More Injuries

A father was killed this week in a head-on collision that took place off of Route 114 in East Hampton. Please be careful while on our roads.

 

Banana

A man in East Hampton is planning on suing the owner of a home that he was staying at after he quite literally slipped on a banana and injured his buttocks. You just can’t make this stuff up. Well…yes you can.

 

Drug Ring

A Riverhead drug ring was broken up by police last week that involved 18 people. The cocaine traffickers were rounded up after an investigation began last August where the defendants had 26 ounces of crushed sheetrock on their person that they believed to be cocaine.

 

Rude Awakening

A man in Sag Harbor was arrested by police after he was found to be sleeping in his car. When the man woke up, he immediately began fighting with police, at which point they arrested him and discovered him to be in possession of 26 Oxycontin pills that he did not have a prescription for.

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