Return of the Dang Zombies and More Signs of the Times

I have long been disturbed by our culture’s new fascination with vampires, zombies and all things that originate from the dark side, but this really is over the top…

Associated Press Oct. 11:

PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — Drivers may have gotten a chuckle out of an electronic message board in Maine warning of zombies, but city officials were not amused.

The sign at a Portland road construction site was changed by a hacker to read “Warning Zombies Ahead!” on Wednesday morning. It originally read “Night work 8 p.m–6 a.m. Expect delays.”

Arguably the hacker wasn’t completely wrong—night shift will turn anyone into a zombie if you work it long enough. Still, there’s lots of laws about changing signs. If there weren’t, you’d see signs on the Island like this:

“Joe: Your Restraining Order Starts Here”

“Super Slow: Fox On Your Left Has New Pups”

“End Of Hunting Zone: Put The Guns Away Guys”

“Is It 10 p.m.? Are Your Children On Island? Any Chance You Know Where?”

“Gulls Dropping Clams on Road; Next Mile”

“Geese Landing All Over Road—Only Kill What You Can Eat”

“Slow: Mr. Smith Has Dementia. Thinks He Works For NASCAR and Waves Checkered Flags”

Somewhere near the IGA would be a discreet sign: “Entenmann’s Truck Delivers On
Thursday Mornings. Truck is Unguarded While Driver Delivers In Store”

“The Gods Do Not Subtract From A Man’s Life The Hours Spent Fishing /Chinese Proverb—Works For Us”

“If You Smell Garlic, Mama Leoni Is Cooking. Pull Over and Beg”

“Slow: Horse Riders Ahead; Free Manure”

“Deer Crossing, Then Crossing Back, Then Crossing Again”

“Squirrels All Over, Just Do Your Best”

“If You’re An Off-Islander; We Don’t Care How They Do It Where You’re From”

“Lost? Yea, We Figured. Just Wave To Somebody.”

“Yes, Both Ferries Are Located By The Water”

The ferries would have signs that would be spaced every 500 feet from the front of the line starting with:

“Yes, We Know How Long You’ve Waited, Do You Want To Get On The Boat Or Not?”

“You Will Be On The Next Boat. Put The Crossword Away And Have Your Money Ready”

“You’re Too Close To Turn Back Now. Read Something and Chill”

“If You’re Stopped Here, The Line is 45 Minutes Long. Eat Whatever You Brought With
You.”

“Your Wait Is One Hour From Here. Smoke ’Em If You Got ’Em.”

“If The Line Starts Here For You, The Ferry Wizard Says Go Home And Come Back Tomorrow And Bring The Broomstick Of The Wicked Witch Of The West With You!”

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