The Hamptons Subway: Week of November 2 – 8, 2012

Riders this past week: 18.499
Rider miles this past week: 102,372

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Barbara Walters was seen talking to Steven Spielberg on the subway between Bridgehampton and Sagaponack last Tuesday. On Wednesday, Rachael Ray was seen between Amagansett and East Hampton eating a chicken taco. Eating is illegal on Hampton Subway so she had it inside a paper bag with just a little end sticking out. Anyway, nobody bothers Rachael Ray.

THE HURRICANE
Hampton Subway will serve as a shelter for people wishing to get underground during the hurricane. All the entry stairs will remain open, although the escalators will not be running (we don’t want anybody to get electrocuted.)

This is being written on Monday morning before the hurricane so we can get the newsletter out, because we expect the power to go out during the storm and we won’t be able to write it at our usual time, which would be on Tuesday during the aftermath. The turnstiles will not be manned during the closing, so there is no charge for this service. Only those who can swim should seek shelter here.

Commissioner Aspinall ordered the subway closed this morning because of the expected flooding which should begin at high tide around 11 a.m. The last ride will be at 10:45 a.m., and on that last ride our PR director will be in the lead car giving out certificates to those who were (are) on that last train, because he believes this should draw more customers expecting these certificates to be valuable to collectors in the future. I don’t know what tense to write this in here. It will already have happened by the time you read it. We expect it will be a fun time.

NEXT MONDAY
The recently signed contract between the Subway and the Motormen’s Union allows the Motormen guaranteed pay, actually double pay for extraordinary circumstances, without having to come to work during hurricanes, volcanoes, tsunamis and earthquakes. Who knew this would happen so fast? For this reason, beginning next Monday, which we expect will be after the storm and with the cleanup having taken place, we expect the subway to be back open for business, but with a fare that will be $4 a ride instead of $2 a ride so as to make up the revenue. The temporary increase will continue so as to match how long the subway system had been out of service, which at this time, we do not know.

Also, 100 quarts of floodwaters in the subway flood will be bottled and labeled for purchase by collectors that Monday only. The cost will be $100 a bottle.

UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE
The wildcat strike at the underground parking garage by the workers there that began last Monday was settled on Sunday, just in time for the feared flooding from the hurricane caused all work stopped on the project until further notice. The men will be paid while they don’t work, so don’t worry. They also got the “hurricane, volcano and earthquake” clause in their settlement, and it is even one better. Typhoons and tornados are included, too.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I am sending you this message by Western Union since there is no other way of getting word to you. I am still on vacation in Africa, have finished climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and am now off on safari in Nairobi for a week, and a courier has taken this note to the Western Union office in Patagali. Keep those trains running. Remember—through rain, snow, flood and sleet, the subway keeps on running.

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