Police Blotter: Mean Scratches, Neighborly Wars

This week in the Hamptons the calls to the police were quite odd, especially the call about the guy who decided to challenge Old Man McMcGumbus on his own street!

Dancing Scratch

A woman in East Hampton reported that she was dancing in a basement at a house party when a female guest approached her and scratched her in the face for no reason. The assailant then left the scene, leaving her victim behind with a cut on her face. The woman did not want to press any charges.

Hammer Time

A Speonk man broke a storm window after he got into an argument with his father. The man used a hammer in the incident, but he was not reported to be listening to “Hammer Time” at the time of the event.

Padiddle

A man driving in East Hampton with a missing headlight was stopped by police last week. As he was being pulled over, the man activated his high beams, which in turn activated the missing headlight. After they approached the vehicle, the driver was found to be intoxicated and failed all field sobriety tests.

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 103 years old and former World War II flamethrower battalion captain, was arrested last week after he got into a fist fight with his neighbor, Jeff Strawluck, owner of The Shelter Island Christmas Store.

For several weeks, McGumbus had been complaining to the Shelter Island Friendly Streets Association that the Christmas lights on Strawluck’s home were too big and too bright for the neighborhood. Upon hearing of these complaints, Strawluck erected even more lights on his home, causing Old Man McGumbus to purchase 87 military grade spotlights, which he now has shining on Strawluck’s home 24 hours a day. Last week the two were spotted wrestling on Biscuit Street, with McGumbus beating Strawluck with a large styrofoam candy cane that had been standing out in front of Strawluck’s home, said a group of Christmas carolers known as The Island B Sharps, who were singing “Jingle Bell Rock” on the corner of Biscuit Street during the fight. Both McGumbus and Strawluck were arrested but later released on their own recognizance. The spotlights and the Christmas lights still remain, but the mayor has ordered that they be taken down at midnight on December 25.

That’s Fast

Police said that after the driver of a 2011 BMW traveling at speeds over 100 miles per hour led them on a high-speed chase through East Hampton, the 23-year-old driver was arrested for drinking and driving. No ticket for speeding?

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