Hamptons Subway Newsletter Week of January 11 – 17 2013

Week of January 11 – 17, 2013

Riders this past week: 12,411

Rider miles this past week: 97,892

DOWN IN THE TUBE

Bob and Ina Caro were seen on the subway heading from Bridgehampton to East Hampton. They said they were on their way to see Steven Spielberg’s new film Lincoln.

ASPINALL RE-ELECTED

Every two years, an election is held to fill the post of Commissioner of Hamptons Subway and this year was no exception. The election was held in the company lounge at Company Headquarters in Hampton Bays on January 5, with the winner retroactively taking office as of January 1. (It’s sort of like what happened with the Fiscal Cliff.) There were two voting booths set up. All employees of Hamptons Subway, each of whom has one share of stock in this closely held private company, get one vote. As in the past, the vote was contested, with Commissioner Bill Aspinall, who has won the election for the last four terms, challenged by some unknown challenger, who was in this case Zeke Jones, the company barber who works on the third floor of the Subway Headquarters. The final vote was 78 votes for the Commissioner and no votes for Zeke Jones. At one point, according to Commissioner Aspinall, who had surveillance cameras set up in the voting booths, it appeared that Jones might vote for himself, but then, as both the Commissioner and Jones agreed later, Jones pulled his hand away from the wrong lever and voted instead for Aspinall, making it, once again, unanimous. “I don’t know what I was thinking there for a moment,” Jones said afterwards.

NEW YEAR’S DAY CLEANUP

As in the past, New Year’s is celebrated at Hamptons Subway on the platform at the Southampton station with fireworks, banners, cheering throngs and a giant glowing ball, which is sent down the escalator from the street above to the platform, where it bounces around amongst the partygoers until last call at 4 a.m.

Much debris was cleaned up after the party again this year. We have a mink scarf, what looks like a left rubber boot and two wedding rings. Also brought in during the cleanup was an incoherent middle-aged man with red hair who occasionally sings Scottish ballads about some lost love. If anybody knows who this person is, please contact Lost and Found as soon as possible.

SLIGHTLY REDUCED SERVICE

During January, the number of cars on each train is slightly reduced in order to give the mechanics and engineers at our Montauk yards an opportunity to give each car a thorough once-a-year overhaul. Passengers should not notice the difference in the service, provided that fewer people use the subway during these months. You can help out by using it, say, just six trips a week instead of seven.

ALTERCATION

An altercation occurred on the Southampton platform last Wednesday evening when two women got into a shouting match and then fistfight about a particular man they knew, either Stan or Sam. Fellow passengers broke the fight up before our Subway Police could arrive, and by the time they did the women were pals again and saying that Stan or Sam was just the scum of the earth.

We here at the Newsletter remind everyone that rule Number 5 in the official Passenger Customer Code is that there is to be no fighting while on company property. We hope that this new year our customers will make a resolution to have fewer of these sorts of things. For heaven’s sake, people.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

All the best to all of you in 2013.

BACK TO The Hamptons Subway

 

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