Hamptons Police Blotter: Monsanto Protest, Spying, McGumbus Attacks Zumba Guru Franquistador

There was a lot of crime this week in the Hamptons.

Monsanto Protest
A protest in Montauk took place against the policy and practices of the large food company Monsanto. The protest included people carrying signs and bringing their families to show they meant business. After the protest, every single member of the protest ate something or wore something that day that was produced in some way by Monsanto.

Spying
A man in Springs was arrested for spying on people to whom he rented his home. The man videoed his tenants using surveillance cameras hidden inside the home. He was charged with 14 counts of unlawful surveillance in the second degree, a felony, and nine counts of endangering the welfare of a child, a misdemeanor. In other news, the NSA has been spying on people with cell phones and recording their conversations and has been charged with…well…

Machete
A man was arrested and charged with terrorism in Riverhead after walking around with a machete in his backpack and telling others that he wanted to hurt people, as well as himself, at a mall. The man was taken into custody and his machete was confiscated by police. Riverhead 1. Terrorist 0.

Party Teens
A group of teens were caught partying in a Southampton home that they found to be vacant. The teens broke into the home and began throwing a house party that drew the attention of neighbors, who then called the owners of the house, who then called police. When the party was broken up, one of the teens inquired about whether or not the house was for sale and stated that he “is interested in purchasing the home.”

Shelter Island
During a speech about the importance of weightlifting and eating beef jerky at the Shelter Island Gym “Mussels,” Old Man McGumbus, 104-year-old President of the Shelter Island Weightlifting Club and former World War II steamboat captain, was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. McGumbus was in the process of showing the correct way to lift a dumbbell when he was interrupted by Shelter Island Zumba guru Fabio Franquistador, who needed the space for his class. McGumbus threw a 40-pound weight at his head, missing Franquistador, who remarkably Zumba-ed out of the way of the object. McGumbus then attempted to heave another 40-pound dumbbell, but threw his back out in the process. He was sent to the emergency room and then held for arraignment.

Read more Hamptons Police Blotter and get Old Man McGumbus news at DansHamptons.com.

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