Derwood Hodgegrass Begins Giant Pool Construction With a Bang

Despite protestations from the Southampton Town Board against his plan, Hamptons billionaire Derwood Hodgegrass says he’s breaking ground on his massive, 150-yard swimming pool sometime on Thursday, July 4.

“Sea-Lysium is happening, whether this board wants it or not,” Hodgegrass said on Tuesday, explaining that he intends to detonate explosives in three acres of farmland adjacent to his Southampton mansion and “get this pool construction underway.” The eccentric heir boasted that he has acquired some “plastique” from an “ex-military friend” on Shelter Island and Independence Day would be the perfect time to use it.

“It’s not only symbolic of my emancipation from the chains in which this Town has bound me,” Hodgegrass said, while making assurances that all safety precautions would be followed and no one would be harmed. “It’s also a great time to blow things up—given the fireworks and all,” he added. “No one will even notice.”

If Hodgegrass remains out of prison and actually does construct “Sea-Lysium,” the giant pool would be the largest in the region and possibly the country. He has said the pool, designed by Jacque di Broviante, would feature small islands, including a bar, suntanning deck and “a tented place for lovemaking.”

Sea-lysium

Artist rendering of “Sea-lysium” by Jacque di Broviante

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