Pumpkintown Valet: An Ingenius Solution to Hamptons Parking Woes

Every year in September and October, just as gridlock season is finally over, Hank’s Pumpkintown opens in Water Mill and my personal traffic hell begins anew.

For most Hank’s is a pleasant, family-friendly afternoon out, a place to get Halloween pumpkins and a great time for both adults and kids—and Pumpkintown is all those things—but for me it’s also more traffic… in the fall. Unfortunately, I live east of Hank’s in one of the worst locations for traffic, literally, on the East End. And when those big orange signs go up and cars are suddenly parked outside my driveway, hundreds of feet from Pumpkintown, I prepare for some serious delays.

This all sounds pretty bad, right? Well, I thought so too, but then I remembered that sage piece of wisdom: If like throws you pumpkins, make pumpkin pie! (It goes something like that, anyway.)

And that’s when it came to me… I’m going to become the first Pumpkintown Valet (TM)! Now, when parking fills up, Hank’s customers don’t have to walk down that stretch of dangerous highway with four children precariously in tow. Instead, they can park in my driveway and, for the low low price of $25, get a smooth ride to Pumpkintown.

When they’re done, my exclusive clientele can simply call or press the “Come Get Me” (TM) button in the Pumpkintown Valet app (this comes later), and I’ll arrive a few minutes later, ready to help load their pumpkins into the SUV and drive them back to their car!

So, what do you think? Who wouldn’t want to take advantage of this amazing service? It’s a cash cow!

And in the summer, any homeowners near beaches in the villages of East Hampton and Southampton could join my team and offer Hamptons Beach Valet (TM) services, complete with app (patent pending), for those without parking stickers.

Coopers here we come!

Pumpkintown traffic

Photo: Oliver Peterson

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