The Hamptons Subway Newsletter: October 18–24, 2013

Week of October 18–24, 2013
Riders this past week: 12,541
Rider miles this past week: 107,238

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Bruce Dern was seen carrying a bag of asparagus on the subway between Bridgehampton and East Hampton. Helena Bonham Carter was seen carrying a bag of Hamptons Coffee and some groceries from Loaves & Fishes westbound from Amagansett.

NEWSLETTER DEADLINES
The Hamptons Subway Newsletter deadlines on Tuesday evening. So, as of now, we don’t know if the country goes belly up on Thursday or not. Further down, we describe what Hamptons Subway will do if the country is saved and what it will do if the country goes belly up.

“LE INTERNATIONALE” HAS FIRST CUSTOMER
The Hamptons Subway car decked out for important conferences between international diplomats has its first customer. At the present time, Tuesday, it’s traveling slowly around our system bearing two contingents, one from the Republicans and one from the Democrats, discussing a subclause of a possible agreement that might save the country. They are trying to agree on how long, or if at all, the proposed Obamacare tax on medical devices can be postponed. We are keeping our fingers crossed.

IF THE COUNTRY IS SAVED
If the country is saved, the Hamptons Subway system will continue on normally, except for the next 10 days each train will continue to be one car short. The reason is that certain motormen over the age of 60 were laid off as “non-essential” employees (since their reflexes are slower) during the partial shutdown and several of them have found employment elsewhere. We expect it will take two weeks to find newer motormen over the age of 60 to replace them. Then we add the car back.

IF THE COUNTRY GOES BELLY UP
Fear not. Hamptons Subway will continue on, as usual, with five- and later six-car trains going round and round between 8 a.m. and 2 a.m. Hamptons Subway, after all, is a private enterprise operation. This will be the case for between 11 and 12 days, by our calculations, after which the entire system will shut down permanently. The reason is the federal subsidy. Although we are a private enterprise, we benefit from a federal subsidy that accounts for 94% of our operating expenses. We can continue on our 6% for 11–12 days, but after that it’s kaput.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA
Glenda, the only person named Glenda working for Hamptons Subway, will celebrate her 43rd birthday this Friday. It will take place in the Hamptons Subway building cafeteria on the third floor at 3 p.m. The cake says HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA and will have 43 candles. She doesn’t go by her last name.

FILMS ON THE PLATFORMS
We were pleased to have had sold-out crowds attending films on our subway platforms during the five days of the Hamptons International Film Festival. People sat on folding chairs. We had a screen at the back by the turnstiles, blocking half the turnstiles, but it was a minor inconvenience. We showed Subway (1985) starring Isabelle Adjani and Christopher Lambert, Subway to the Stars (1987) starring Guilhame Fontes and Milton Goncalves, Subway Stories (1997) starring Denis Leary and Kevin Corrigan and Subway Stories (1997) starring Rosie Perez, Mercedes Ruehl and Bob Balaban all of whom attended a panel discussion about the film on Sunday morning on the Southampton platform. Our International entry, very popular, from China, was Spring Subway (2002) starring Jinglei Xu and Lan Ke.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY!

BACK TO The Hamptons Subway