The Hamptons Subway Newsletter: November 8–14, 2013

Week of November 8–14, 2013
Riders this past week: 7,912
Rider miles this past week: 78,421

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Henry Hildreth was seen carrying a bolt of green fabric on the Hampton Subway heading eastbound between East Hampton and the new stop at Pantigo. He said the customer in their East Hampton store had changed their mind about their sofa color. Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker were seen on the Amagansett platform westbound, but our spotter did not see whether they got on the express or local. Was that Lady Gaga performing for cash on the Water Mill platform?

THANKSGIVING TURKEY GIVEWAY
Frozen turkeys will be given away on the Southampton westbound platform next Wednesday to every tenth person coming through the turnstiles, whether they like it or not. So everybody please be ready. And thank you to the Sip ’n Soda on Hampton Road for letting us use their freezers.

NOMINEE ARRESTED
On election night, Tom Harris from the Freedom Party was arrested for campaigning on the subway platform in Quogue. We regretted that he was unable to attend the party function that night at the East Quogue Bar and Grille, which the Freedom Party had commandeered to watch the election returns, but those are the rules—no campaigning or there is an automatic 48 hours in jail. Sorry about that. He lost anyway, by a whisker as it turned out, so maybe it was good he was not there.

UPHOLSTERY BY MISTAKE
After the subway shut down for the night at 2 a.m. on Tuesday, and all the cars out on the system retreated to the Montauk Yards for maintenance, a crew from the Max Avignon Upholstery firm showed up at the yards with a work order and proceeded to start putting red tartan upholstery on all the cars. They had completed four cars in our 36-car fleet before it was found they had been out there in error. So they were sent home, and it will all be sorted out later. In the meantime, count yourself lucky if you get one of the cars that had its plastic seats covered with the soft colorful upholstery. It’ll be soft on your bottom. The odds are one in nine you will get one. Enjoy.

LOOKING FOR SANTA CLAUS
Hampton Subway is looking to hire 14 “temps” for the morning rush hour every day between December 10 and Christmas Eve. The pay is $10 an hour, the hours are 7 a.m. to noon, and if that’s you, you’ll be in full Santa Claus uniform standing by a tripod with a bronze pot hanging from it, ringing a bell and hoping to raise money for a lucky employee of the subway system who is chosen by lottery for a free one-week vacation in Nome, Alaska. It’s teamwork like this that makes the Hamptons Subway what it is today.

GOLDEN SLIPPER
A beautiful girl with blonde hair dressed up as Cinderella ran to get on a subway train in our Westhampton Beach station on Halloween night and got in just before the sliding doors closed, but as she got on board and the train pulled out, she left on the platform a bright red sparkly slipper with a beautiful diamond embedded in the toe. Apparently it slipped off. Anyone wishing to claim it should call Hampton Subway’s main office in Hampton Bays. You will be asked to tell us the size and which foot it’s for, and if you get it, it’s yours.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
The Commissioner did not submit a message this week. Nobody has seen him.

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