Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of February 6–12, 2014

Week of February 6–12, 2014
Riders this past week: 6,821
Rider miles this past week: 81,423

DOWN IN THE TUBE
George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld were seen on the subway on Sunday heading from Wainscott to East Hampton to attend what they said was the Wassersteins’ party on Further Lane. Mariska Hargitay was seen on the subway Friday afternoon out of Sag Harbor, carrying a shopping bag of stuff from Sylvester’s to her home in East Hampton. Jodi Foster was seen heading on the subway Monday from Southampton to Hampton Bays, apparently on her way to a show she said she is directing in Riverhead. Something about Pink.

CROWDS IN WESTHAMPTON SLOW SUBWAY TO A CRAWL
Huge crowds of football fans descended on the platform in Westhampton Beach intending to go to the Super Bowl and became angry when they were told that the subway tunnels do not extend to New York City, much less out to the Meadowlands. Those who were able to show valid Super Bowl tickets were refunded the $2.50 subway fare. Half-hour train delays between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. were noted. The employees braced for the worst when the game ended, but there was no further problem.

TRASH BASKETS COMING BACK
Following the lead of the New York Subway System, Hamptons Subway quietly removed all trashcans from all the platforms in the Hamptons two weeks ago. In New York City, it was found that when this was done, there was less trash on the subway for the workmen to pick up and, as a matter of fact, less trash on the subway tracks and platforms. Here in the Hamptons, however, it was found by Hamptons Subway officials that the reverse happened. Riders let out a howl about not having their trash baskets. And they left more trash on the tracks and the platforms. So now we are bringing the trash baskets back. Why the different result? Maybe riders in the Hamptons have higher expectations. Maybe they are more aware of environmental matters. Maybe they are just more used to others picking up their trash. Who knows?

DELAYS
Temperatures were recorded in the subway tunnels at -1° last Friday, and on that day brakes locked up on several cars, causing delays until men with blowtorches were able to arrive and soften up the grease between the brake pads and the wheel bushings. Most passengers remained quietly on the subway cars during this process, and trains which had seized were on their way again in 30 minutes or so. We regret the delay. At least the heat in the cars worked through it all.

STREAKERS ON YOUTUBE
During the winter, there are many polar bear plunges into the ocean to raise money for charity. No such event takes place in our subway tunnels, of course, but we’re told that several men and women were videoed streaking through the tunnels naked on the same day as the Frosty Plunge in Sag Harbor. We don’t have surveillance cameras in the tunnels (not yet), so we don’t know if the tunnel is our tunnel or some other tunnel. Anyway, various private parts were blurred so YouTube would post the videos. Frankly, we can’t find any search phrase that leads to the videos. We’d probably know who these people are, of course. Maybe they were taken down.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Down in Key West with my wife, in discussion with the authorities here about a subway system. Frankly, it doesn’t appear to be a good idea. But I can write off the trip. Yay!

Read more Hamptons Subway!

BACK TO The Hamptons Subway

 

Please log in to vote


You need to log in to vote. If you already had an account, you may log in here


Alternatively, if you do not have an account yet you can create one here.