Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of May 9–15, 2014

Week of May 9–15, 2014
Riders this past week: 9,823
Rider miles this past week: 99,999

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Actress Lori Singer was seen on the subway Wednesday heading from Sag Harbor to East Hampton, carrying a baseball mitt. Ruth Appelhof, the executive director of Guild Hall, was seen getting on the subway on Saturday heading from Springs to East Hampton. Concert impresario Ron Delsener was on the train headed from Noyac to Southampton on Friday, carrying an envelope with the words “Live Nation” on it and looking very pleased with himself.

THE E TRAIN
The management of Hampton Subway is considering changing the names of two of the routes because of the confusion being caused. The E Train is an express train that goes from Southampton to North Sea, but ten miles away it is also an express train that goes from East Hampton to Three Mile Harbor. In the near future Hampton Subway may swap the names of the two lines so that the E Train to Three Mile Harbor would be the E Train to North Sea and vice versa.

PUTIN OBAMA TALKS
Secret talks went on between President Obama and Prime Minister Putin for the past ten days on the specially fitted-out “Internationale Car” that we lease out between 2 and 5 a.m. when the subway is closed and there are no other trains on the system. The car is soundproof, has a bar and comfortable chairs around a mahogany conference table, all the fittings for video conferencing and a staff of six. It has sat idle since April 3, when it was leased by Secretary of State John Kerry for talks between himself and the Israelis and Palestinians, who were secretly flown in to Westhampton for four days. These past ten days, the two world leaders rolled up their sleeves and engaged in deep discussions about the crisis situation in Ukraine and the future of Edward Snowden, and reportedly made real progress.

LIGHT BULBS
As part of our Spring fitting-out program, all the subway cars had their headlights replaced with brand new ones whether they needed it or not. It is part of our “Better Safe Than Sorry” program to prevent bad things from happening if suddenly a headlight were to go out, God forbid. The 37 headlights removed were given away to charitable organizations who wished to have them. All but one were in working order, with the expectation they will remain operational for years and years in their new home. The one that was flickering, we threw in the garbage.

Organizations wishing to receive the one-year old headlights next year at this time are welcome to stop by our headquarters in Hampton Bays and put their names on a list. People on the list are picked at random every May 1 to receive their light bulb.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JANET GOLD
Janet Gold, the 39 year old mailroom director is having a birthday party at 2 p.m. on Thursday in the company cafeteria, and all employees are welcome to attend and watch her blow out the candles. Ms. Gold made nearly $23,000 in 2006 in the gold market, but then, three years later, sold out and lost all that she’d made. She’s been enjoying a wait-and-see attitude since.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I am off to Nantucket tomorrow to advise the Mayor there about the ins and outs of building a subway on that island. It would have only two stops and go back and forth and back and forth.

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