| Issue #1 - March 30, 2007 |
Don’t Pass Over The Fun
Hello, my full Jewish, half-Jewish, quarter-Jewish and
“I had a friend in college from Long Island who was Jewish and
he seemed like a really nice guy,” friends. Passover is upon us,
the great festival of lights, I mean, wait a second. The day the Jews
painted their doors with Easter bunny eggs, no wait that’s not
right. It was umm, Happy Jewish New Year! Really, it’s not that
one? Hmm. Well eating is involved and so is a relative that’s
a lawyer right?
Okay, so Passover is tough to remember, but this year it is going to
be on April 2, and don’t you forget it because you are going to
have to prepare one heck of a feast for one of the best family gatherings
the Jewish religion enjoys, well of course besides the bagel breakfast
on Sundays.
Here is the low down on Passover for those not up to J-par. Passover
is the “Festival of Unleavened Bread” (I know, so ridiculously
exciting) or Pesach (rhymes with pay-sock) and commemorates, for seven
days, the Exodus of the Israelites from ancient Egypt and their freedom
from the Pharaoh. The Israelites would follow God instead. It also has
to do with the Angel of Death skipping over the houses of those who
put lamb blood from a sacrificed lamb on their doorposts to prevent
it from killing the first born of the house. My family mostly celebrates
the freedom part at Seder (another word for dinner involving a lot of
prayers and terrible lawyer jokes).
If you are reading this, you most likely know somebody that is having
a Passover Seder somewhere or you may be ready to prepare a Passover
Seder yourself.
Here are some tips to follow if you are invited to a Passover and are
not Jewish or half-Jewish and have forgotten what Passover is all about.
Tip 1: Do not show up with homemade pizza bagels. You aren’t supposed
to eat bread on Passover, just matzo (rhymes with pasta). It tastes
pretty plain, but Jewish men and women have celebrated this bread for
thousands of years.
Tip 2: Don’t bring anything made from raw dough, see tip 1.
Tip 3: Tell the person that cooked the food that it is absolutely fabulous.
Tip 4: Intentionally sing in a bad voice. Everybody else seems to do
the same except for that one lady who has an “amazing” voice.
Tip 5: When the speaker at Seder asks the people at the table if they
have any questions about Passover, don’t ask, “Are we going
to eat soon?”
Tip 6: If you really want to contribute something to the meal, stay
basic, basic, basic. You don’t want to find yourself accidentally
sneaking bread in somewhere. Meatballs are always a great thing to bring
over and are almost always a hit. Just be sure to use matzo meal instead
of breadcrumbs.
If you are hosting Seder for the first time, whoa boy, you’re
in for some restrictions on what you can and can’t cook. Members
of your family will bring their traditional staples, but you will still
need to whip up a storm. It is also extra important to have wine glasses
for the table and a prayer script available for each person. It is good
to print extras in case a new, unexpected guest shows up
to dinner.
There are no real rules on what to make, just as long as no leavened
bread is involved. But traditionally, a Matzo ball soup and gefilte
fish are eaten at the beginning and roast chicken, turkey and beef brisket
are served for the main course.
You will absolutely need to have a lot of matzo, a bitter vegetable
such as parsley to represent the bitterness of slavery and also Charoset,
which is a wonderful dish that is a mixture of apples, nuts, cinnamon
and wine. Speaking of wine, you get to drink a lot of it during Passover,
so don’t forget to buy plenty of Kosher Wine. After all, this
is a celebration.
– David Lion Rattiner
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