The Sheltered Islander By Sally Flynn

Sheltered Islander #414 - Back to Skool

We all got the letter from the school. A thick packet full of permission slips, disclosures and rule books. The rule book is full of what you would think is just plain common sense. When did we get to the point we have to write all this down? You can’t fight, steal, curse, bully, wear revealing clothing or tee shirts with drug messages on them, you have to show up or have a good excuse, and lastly, don’t say or do anything that society would agree is stupid. There, you just read the whole rule book. And don’t give me that, “but what if we don’t agree on the definition of stupid.” If your son torches the sports equipment room, that’s stupid.
I’d give list of stupid examples, but teenagers have such a long list and scope of stupidity that it could fill half the Internet. Of course it’s nothing like adult stupidity, which is just teenage stupidity on steroids. I include myself in this, as I have made some Award Winning Asinine Decisions in my life. In my defense I can only say that they were creative asinine decisions that, with age, have become a constant source of amusement for me and a reminder that intelligence is in no way linked to common sense. As you read this, I bet you’re thinking of a few examples of your own...
The permission slips have gotten better over time in that you can list three or four people whom the school can call if your child is sick or injured or needs a ride. It must be a little odd on an Island, though, since most of us list at least one other school mom for backup. I can just imagine all these emergency cards with the same names criss-crossing back and forth under the kids’ names. God bless whoever has to keep all this straight!
The school calendar this year is terrific! Color coded and easy to figure out! Kudos to whomever did this job! I now have clear forewarning of when my son will have off from school. It will be very difficult this year to drop him off and speed away claiming that “I didn’t know there was no school today.” Damn. Isn’t that wonderful?
Will “Hurricane Corwin” return to her post this year? That’s the big mystery... one of the school’s best and most loved teachers, Jennifer Corwin, was mysteriously pulled out of the classroom last spring and assigned to duties that prevented student contact. She wasn’t told why (I spoke to her myself) she was removed from teaching. Parents were outraged. At a school board meeting, many people stood up and demanded to know, what was she charged with? “We can’t tell you,” was the answer....ooohhh a big secret.... Our local paper did an excellent article on it. Will Jennifer return to her duties as a fantastic and flamboyant teacher? When my daughter won a summer writing scholarship to Brown University and I called her to ask how she was doing with the demands of college, she said, “Mom, it’s like doing a GAP project. If these kids had had Mrs. Corwin, they wouldn’t be cryin’ now.” Well, let’s all hope.
The school menu looks very good. And the kids have a salad bar? We were lucky if a lettuce leaf showed up under the half pear for dessert. Too bad parents can’t get a lunch card. As far as I know, the school cafeteria has the only salad bar on the Island. You don’t suppose they serve a nice white wine with the salad bar? No, no, that would be night school.
Picture Day happens real soon after school opens. My son only wears soft clothing, i.e., anything made from fleece. Last year, I sent him, and his fleece, to school with a nice button down shirt in his backpack to wear for his school picture. Naturally, he “forgot” to put it on and I had yet another school picture of him in a sweatshirt. This year, I’ll be ready. He has a new button down shirt and a real tie. He will wear this “costume” on picture day if I have come to school and dress him in the hallway myself or if I have to staple gun the shirt and tie on him before he leaves for school. Mothers don’t ask much, a nice school picture, something that might look good on a milk carton, is a small price for all we endure.
The first day of school is Wednesday, September 6th, 8:05 AM. Parental celebrations will begin at 8:06 AM. The Island bars are all opening at 9 AM for the Freedom Celebration. You must sign your own permission slip to attend.