| Issue #30, October 20, 2006 |
Police Blotter
Attention
A woman in Hampton Bays was arrested by Town Police after she was charged with falsely reporting an incident in the third degree. Police said that the woman admitted that she had falsely reported that she was robbed in front of a video store in order to get attention. Police advised the woman that the next time she want to get some attention, she should run around the town naked screaming, “POTATOES!!!”
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Car On Fire
A man in Springs called police after his car caught on fire while it was parked in his driveway. When police arrived, the vehicle was filled with flames and the fire department came down to the car and put out the fire. The owner believed that the fire began on his dashboard. Ironically, the car was a Firebird.
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Dead Fish
Nicole Caruso, who works as the production director for Dan’s Papers recently purchased seven goldfish. Within hours of purchasing the fish, one of the fish had six babies. When she came back from a weekend, all but three were found dead for unknown reasons. The goldfish, Fredie, Leonardo, Gus and Jimmy Buffet, passed on to the next life. She did not have time to name the baby fish. The remaining fish, Jean, Neen and Stripey, are alive and well. However, Nicole fears that Stripey is sick. Nicole had a ceremonial flush last week.
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Electric Fence
A woman in Bridgehampton called police after she found that a fence in her yard and an electric dog fence on her property had been damaged. Unfortunately after the damage was done, the electric dog fence started electrocuting her, not her dog.
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The Lion Head
A woman in Bridgehampton called police after a stone antique lion head that sits on a pillar near her driveway was damaged. The Lion head is worth about $3,000 and will need to be replaced or repaired for about that much money. Fortunately for the woman, her statue of a tiger and her statue of a bear were fine. Police were quoted saying, “Oh my!” when they walked onto the property.
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Sugar In Gas Tank
A man in Southampton called police after someone put sugar in his gas tank causing $2,000 worth of damage to his pickup truck. Police were quoted saying, “People really do that? I thought that was just an urban legend.”
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Quite a Scam
A former employee of a construction company in Hampton Bays was going around to customers of the construction company, collecting the checks and then depositing them into his own bank account. The construction company owner fired the guy again for the incident.
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Can’t Park
A man in Hampton Bays was arrested after he was found to be under the influence of drugs and was doing everything he could to prevent cars from parking in a grocery store parking lot. Apparently the man believed that the grocery store was his house and he was just kicking cars out of his driveway.
–Written and compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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