| Issue #32, November 3, 2006 |
Twentysomething…By David Lion Rattiner
The Saw III Diet
There is a new, mainstream movie out right now that is the most disturbing, filthy, and outrageously disgusting movie I have ever seen. If you plan on taking your twelve-year-old bro to go see Saw III because you took him to see Saw I and II and are trying to be a cool older brother, think again. Now I’m not an advocate for telling teenagers what they can and can’t see. I snuck into R-rated movies all of the time when I was a kid. But this movie is so unbelievably horrific that I seriously haven’t been able to enjoy eating food because of it.
I don’t get the horror genre at all. Like I can’t grasp what people like about these movies other then the hilarity of some of the concepts. There is nothing funny about this movie, let me tell ya. What is attractive about watching a dude’s arm being completely twisted off in a giant machine? Just reading what I just wrote should make you go, “All right that’s nasty.”
But the theater was packed, which got me thinking that maybe there is something wrong with me for not being able to deal with such violent images for two hours.
Now I want the reader to know that I am totally a fan of Saw I and I even liked Saw II. I also thought Hostel was a wimpy horror movie and I laugh when I watch the movie The Ring, or Nightmare On Elm Street. I think those movies are fun to watch.
But this movie Saw III is just a complete bloodbath and completely boundary-less. It is on a totally different level then even your seriously scary horror flick. It is really just more gut wrenching then anything else.
When I left the movie theater in Southampton, I tried to shake it off by renting Disney’s The Incredibles (great movie by the way) but Saw III stayed with me the next day at breakfast. I was sitting down eating a bagel with cream cheese and tomato and I simply was unable to eat. I eat this breakfast almost every day, but today I couldn’t and it was because I couldn’t get the torture scenes (which is basically the whole movie) out of my mind. I was still grossed out.
And then it hit me.
I could make a million bucks by starting a fab-diet called the horror diet. It’s the easiest diet you’ll ever go through because it’s impossible to fail at it. All you have to do is watch this movie Saw III and go about your day. Trust me, you won’t want to eat anything after seeing this movie. The horror diet would have a book filled with recipes that contain a lot of tomatoes to ensure that you are constantly grossed out by food.
Okay, I’m done with this.
By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie The Departed, go see that movie, it’s insanely awesome and is also an incredibly good story, plus Hamptons super-icon-radical-guy Alec Baldwin is in it. I always get a kick out of seeing Alec Baldwin in a movie. He’s the man on so many levels.
All right, I still need to rant about Saw III.
This movie makes me feel old. I can tell that I am getting old, which is really just so depressing. The fact that all I could think about was not wanting my sixteen-year-old sister to see this movie and that I couldn’t stop thinking about what kids are seeing these days was really depressing me. I genuinely cared about this kind of thing. Who the hell am I to think that? I never used to think about this stuff. If I heard somebody complaining about violence on television I’d be like, man, these people need to start thinking about issues that actually matter. But here I am, complaining about too much violence in the movies. I can handle it, but a teenager, what are you crazy? You want the world to turn into an army of masochistic, gun wielding, machete head-chopper-offer thirteen-year-olds?
Yep, definitely getting old...my back hurts.
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