Issue #43, February 2, 2007

WHEN THE VIAGRA WOULDN’T STOP WORKING

By Dan Rattiner

I don’t know if you’ve been following this story but there is an iguana in a zoo in Belgium that has had an erection for more than a week.

We all know how dangerous that can be. It’s right there at the end of the Viagra commercial. There’s this couple sitting on a swing in a garden, smiling at each other, and the voice over says, “If an erection lasts for more than four hours, consult your doctor.”

They’ve seen this commercial at the Antwerp Zoo, too, and so the vets there are concerned and have been monitoring the iguana’s

situation for all this time. Finally they have come to the conclusion that something is going to have to be done about it.

They are going to cut it off.

(There’s a lesson here for Viagra users.)

They are going to cut it off to save this poor iguana’s life.

There was a press conference. The TV reporters asked one if the iguana is upset, or not eating well.

“It doesn’t bother him,” he said. “He doesn’t know what amputation means.”

Somebody else wanted to know if amputation would end the iguana’s sex life, which if you think about it, is a pretty dumb thing to ask, until one of the vets said no it

would not because iguanas have two penises.

Didn’t know that, did you?

So a female iguana walks by and one of the penises says this is IT, and the other one says, no it isn’t. Not my style.

So here’s the question: what important

message does the iguana get when they cut off his penis that was erect for a week, but leave alone the one that wasn’t?

And what does an iguana do if one

penis says follow that girl this way

and the other penis says follow that girl the other way?

I don’t know the answer to either one of these questions.

I once had an erection that lasted twenty years. I was twelve years old when it began. But that’s another story.

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