| Issue #47, March 2, 2007 |
Police Blotter
Assault With Cocktail Sauce
A woman in Hampton Bays was arrested inside of her home after she threw a glass jar of cocktail sauce at her live-in boyfriend during an argument. When the cocktail sauce jar hit him in the face, it cut him above his left eye. After the arrest, police told the man to throw out all the pineapples and coconuts in the house before she came back.
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Boat Drift
An unmanned, unidentified boat was found drifting aimlessly off of coast of Shelter Island. Police were called and they found out that the boat was originally from Greenport. The boat explained himself to police, telling them that he had been chasing after his long lost love, a Catamaran named Shelly.
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Bad Friend
A man in Amagansett called police after a friend of his took his truck and did not return it. The man called police again two days later to tell them that his truck had been returned, but his cell phone had been stolen from it. Police told him to call the cell phone and tell his friend that he is a bonehead.
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V-Day
Somebody sprayed “Happy V-Day” on a public building in East Hampton. Police are looking for a hopelessly romantic graffiti artist.
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Airport Doughnuts
Somebody drove onto the runway at the East Hampton airport and started doing doughnuts on it. Police were called the next day when the tire tracks were found on the runway. It is believed that the driver broke in through an unsecured gate, drove their car around in circles and then took off.
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Intoxicated Guy
A 70-year-old Southampton man was arrested after he was caught drinking beer that he did not pay for inside of a grocery store. When the man attempted to get a five-cent refund on the beer bottle by recycling it, the police were called.
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Computer Crime
A man from Westhampton called police after he turned on his computer and found that it had been used to visit pornographic websites. Whoever used his computer also used his credit card to pay for the website memberships. The man believes that the he has been tricked into paying for the services since October. There is no word yet on whether or not the man plans to cancel the services.
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More Identity Theft
A man from Greenport reported to police that his credit card had been stolen and that charges for an expensive dinner, flowers and some expensive jewelry were made on it on Valentines Day. After the man reported the theft to police, his wife said, “why the heck didn’t you get those things for me?”
– Written and compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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