| Issue #49, March 16, 2007 |
Police Blotter
Argument
Police broke up an argument at an Irish Pub in Sag Harbor. No injuries were reported and no arrests were made. BRILLIANT!
* * *
Rare Coins
A man in Southampton was arrested after he was found with stolen property on his person. The man had rare coins that had been reported as being stolen from a home in Southampton recently. Ironically, the man was trying to pay for a parking ticket with the coins.
* * *
Barbecue
A woman in Sag Harbor told police that somebody had poured a significant amount of barbecue sauce onto her GMC vehicle. The woman also reported that her truck now tasted delicious.
* * *
Guitar Stolen From Church
A $4,000 guitar was stolen from a church in Hampton Bays. The Rolling Stones have since cancelled their performance.
* * *
Fined
A Springs woman who had resisted arrest in 2005, after ripping up a parking ticket and shoving it into the pocket of a traffic control officer, finally had her sentence read to her. After two years of court deliberation, the judge determined a just sentence. She will be fined $500.
* * *
Two Teenage Girls
Two teenage girls were found crying in the street in East Hampton last week. An officer approached them and they explained to him that their friend was having “personal problems.” Like any smart man would do, the officer moved on.
* * *
Cheeseburger
A woman in Montauk was watching television with her family when the doorbell rang. They went to answer the door and found a cheeseburger on the stoop. After carefully inspecting it, the head of the household picked up the cheeseburger with a shovel and put it in the garbage. The dog of the house later got to the cheeseburger, which he ate. After carefully watching the dog all night, the family determined that he was okay. The dog later washed down the cheeseburger by with toilet water.
* * *
Driving While Stoned
A man in East Hampton was arrested after he was caught driving under the influence. The man was pulled over for speeding and the officer noticed the smell of marijuana in the vehicle. Police also found M&Ms, Cheetos, Cracker Jacks and a whole lot of water in the vehicle.
* * *
Cat Burglar
A man in Sag Harbor was arrested after he was caught breaking and entering into two homes consecutively. Police received two calls about the break-ins, six minutes apart from each other, and caught up with the man, who was drunk. The man, apparently, is a complete idiot.
– Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner
 |
