Issue #50, March 23, 2007

THERE’S A JOB AT OUR HOUSE IF ANN WANTS IT

By Dan Rattiner

In the past month, Ann Coulter, on several occasions, has referred to Amagansett and East Hampton.

“(The Democrats) all want America to look like Amagansett, where they — the beautiful, rich people — live in their homes, and there are a few maids,” she said on the Fox network. “Well-tempered maids who will come in and take care of them, bicycling to work. But they want to destroy the middle class of America.”

On another occasion, in a column, she again made reference to the Hamptons.

“(Liberals) think they can live in a world of only Malibu and East Hampton — with no Trentons or Detroits.”

Perhaps you don’t know who Ann Coulter is. She is an attractive, blond, coltish looking young woman from a good family, who is Cornell-educated, well-spoken, well-mannered, fashionably dressed and polite, with ferociously expressed conservative opinions about everything. She’s written a very aggressive anti-Democrat book, calling people names, like a bully would. It got her on television. Last week, she said something that even had Conservative Republicans heading for the exits. “I was going to have a few comments on the other Presidential candidate, John Edwards,” she said, “but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot’ so I guess I won’t.”

Is it possible that Ann Coulter has moved to the Hamptons? We made some phone calls. We’ve sent some feelers out.

I’m very excited that she might have moved here. I’d like to meet her and invite her over and get to know her. Maybe even interview her.

The reason is that I’ve got a position at my house opening up. Monique, our current maid, is going back to Paris, where her parents have enrolled her in the Sorbonne. Courses begin for her in September. So, if Ann comes over and we like each other at the interview, she’d have six months to wind up her affairs. I think she’d be just perfect. Though we can’t have her insulting our guests.