A Bird in Deep Crap

I heard a joke that I really like about two weeks ago and I can’t help from retelling it over and over again. This happens to all of us every once in a while, and we can’t help but repeat the joke over and over.

Relax, it’s a clean joke. Just read it, you will laugh.

A bird was flying south for the winter, and it was freezing cold outside. He was pushing along real hard and was flying by himself because he had fallen behind from the rest of the flock. It wasn’t long before he got so cold, that his right wing froze and it sent him soaring to the ground with a hard thud, breaking his wing.

Now a bird without a wing is in really bad shape, especially in the wintertime, and this bird knew that things could not get any worse. He sort of knew that his life was over and decided that he was going to accept his fate and die with dignity.

As he was saying his final prayers, a cow walked over to the bird on the ground and saw the bird there, still breathing, but with a broken wing. The cow thought it would be funny if he would poop on the bird and walk away, sort of as a sick joke. This particular cow was a complete jerk.

So the bird opened his eyes as he prepared for a dignified death, only to discover that he had been completely covered with poop. “This is no way to die,” he said to himself, and he began to cry he was so humiliated.

But as he lay there, covered in cow poop, waiting for death, he noticed that he was feeling more and more comfortable over time. The poop was insulating him from the cold and was actually keeping him warm. The bird was slightly confused, but as time went on, he noticed that the smell was no longer bothering him and then realized that there was absolutely no way he was going to freeze to death thanks to it.

The entire winter went by, and the bird stayed very still on his back, making sure that he was using as little energy as possible so that he wouldn’t starve to death, and before he knew it, the cold was gone, his wing was healed and all that he really needed to worry about was how deep in crap he was.

This made the bird so happy, that he started to sing. It was one of the most beautiful songs that he ever sang, and he sang it louder and louder. There was one beautiful harmony after another, the bird was so happy to be alive, he simply couldn’t stop from screaming out his best bird singing.

His singing however, drew the attention of a cat.

The cat walked over to the pile of crap, where he heard birdsong coming from. The cat then investigated the crap, brushing it away, and discovered a healthy, happy bird just lying there.

And pretty much instantly, and without any warning to the bird, the cat pinned the bird to the ground with its claws and ate him.

The cat then walked away, going about his business, never really knowing or caring about the entire ordeal that the bird had gone through over the last couple of months.

And the moral of the story is:

Not everybody that craps on you is your enemy.

Not everybody that gets you out of crap is your friend.

And if you are in really deep crap, you should keep your mouth shut.