Police Blotter, May 20, 2011

Fog Lights

On two separate occasions last week in East Hampton, beach walkers found themselves lost on the beach due to heavy fog. Police were called to assist a woman who had no idea where she was due to the fog, and a man who began walking towards a private residence on the beach. Here’s a tip for beach walkers: when you are walking down the beach, make sure that you didn’t leave your brain behind in your car.

Running From Police

A man on a motorcycle in Hampton Bays decided to run from police after they noticed he did not have any taillights. The man sent police on a wild chase through roads in Hampton Bays. He was ultimately caught after wiping out on his bike and sustaining non-life-threatening injuries.

Plant Thief

Six plants were stolen from a nursery in Amagansett, according to a recent police report. The owner of the nursery was able to get a video of the car that is owned by the thief, thanks to a bank next door that provided a security video of the nearby street. Looks like we have a case for the new reality television series, “Dog The Planter Hunter.”

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 98 and former World War II tank demolition specialist, caused a commotion on Shelter Island last night when he built a 96-foot-high neon sign above his house that read, “Donald Trump For President.” McGumbus was given a summons by police and ordered to take down the sign.

iPhone Stolen

A teenager on the North Fork reported that his iPhone had been stolen, but it was later found out that it was in fact not stolen, but that he had given it to a friend of his and said that it was stolen so his parents would buy him a new one. Kids, I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids these days. Kids, you can’t understand anything they say! Why can’t they be like we were? Perfect in every way? What is wrong with these kids…to…day???!!!

Out of Control

An out-of-control beach house party had police in East Hampton writing up over 30 summonses for various crimes. The party was so out of control that the crowd had caused a fire hazard in the home. Surely, the neighbors won’t mind.