Week of June 4- June 10, 2011

Week of June 4- June 10, 2011
Riders this week: 11,821
Rider miles this week:106,847
DOWN IN THE TUBE
Joe Biden, visiting the Hamptons last week, was seen going down to the platform in Southampton, looking around, and then walking back up to Main Street.
PIPING PLOVER WORRIES
On three occasions, now, motormen leaving East Hampton heading toward Wainscott have had to slow down to let a flock of what has turned out to be little piping plover birds fluttering across the tunnel from a storage room on one side of the tunnel to another storage room on the other side of the tunnel.
The first two times this happened, it was not clear what kind of birds these were, but on the third crossing, which happened last Monday at 4 p.m., the motorman driving the train was Howard Edison, whose hobby is bird watching. They are piping plovers.
Should these plovers set up a nest on the tracks, it might be necessary to shut down the entire system until the chicks hatch and fly off.  Keep your fingers crossed that does not happen.
And no, it would be completely illegal to seal off the storage rooms.
PUSHER BOXING MATCHES
The summer pushers on the subway, those young people who gently herd all the customers from the platforms onto the subway cars, are organizing a series of boxing matches. They did this before about three years ago and nobody got hurt. They’re inspired by the fact that while performing their work, they wear helmets, knee pads and boxing gloves. They’ve also grown quite fond of one another, thus the sporting event. Helen O’Grady, who was the sensation at these matches three years ago no longer works for the subway. Also the rumor is she’s had a sex change operation and is now a he.
BE CAREFUL WHAT GAMES YOU PLAY
Three young men, two age 18 and one age 19, were arrested by subway security officers for what appeared to be a kidnapping operation.  The men, Bob Keller of 17 Manorville Boulevard in Manorville, Teddy Fendergeist of  213 Rupert Lane in Amagansett and Bill Stuart of 46 Flycatcher Lane in Noyac, were seen sitting on the subway as it pulled into Shinnecock next to a fourth young man who’s name is being withheld because he appeared to be the victim. He was blindfolded. All four were taken to the station house in Hampton Bays.
There, it was determined that this was a game. Apparently, the young man who was blindfolded said he could tell which station they were pulling into by the sound and feel it presented to him. He said he put the blindfold on himself. And the other three said he had been right four out of five stations.
The victim was sent home. The other three young men were sentenced to watching four hours of safe driving videos at the Motor Vehicle Bureau.
MOLD REMOVAL
The subway will open for business at 7 a.m. rather than 6 a.m. next Thursday because workmen will be down in the tunnels all night performing mold removal.
ANOTHER BIRTHDAY
Arlene Birkenstick, a token booth clerk in Southampton, celebrates her 40th birthday tomorrow. As everybody knows, she is a sort of lone wolf and has asked that there be no party for her. The staff is happy to oblige.
COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
The Hampton Subway system is honored to have been selected as the mode of transportation for the valuable “Two Forks” silverware, recently auctioned off in Sotheby’s London for $19 million. The forks, the exact ones that King Charles I gave to the English explorer who discovered the Two Forks of Eastern Long Island in 1629, will be on display in a glass case at the “Taste of Two Forks” event celebrating food and wine from the restaurants of eastern Long Island, held at Sayre’s Park (next to the horseshow grounds) in Bridgehampton on the evening of July 16. Thirty-two restaurants have signed on to offer food there, and 28 vineyards will offer their reds, whites and roses.
The route taken by the “two forks” on the subway will be secret, but the 10 private police officers accompanying the glass box will definitely depart the subway at the Bridgehampton stop headed for Sayre Park at a full trot at 6:15 p.m. that evening.