Jimmy Buffett and a New Riding Record

Week of July 15-21, 2011

Riders this week: 17,251*

Rider miles this week: 182,821**

*new record!

**new record!!

DOWN IN THE TUBE

Jimmy Buffett was seen riding the subway from Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton last Monday at 6 a.m.

RECORD RIDERSHIP

Last week’s total of 17,251 riders traveling 182,821 rider miles sets a new milestone in underground travel in the Hamptons. Never before have this many people been packed into our subway cars heading off in one direction or another. [expand]

One reason for the high ridership on the subway this past week could be because of the absolute joy people say they experience when they ride the subway. It reminds them of New York City. And the smell of rusty steel and gasoline fumes is a terrific contrast to the salt sea air and beaches up above. Certainly it is not the level of service that drives people down underground. The Hampton Subway ranks last in a survey of customer satisfaction among all the subway systems in North America, with the exception of Mexico City. No, the System is popular in spite of this.

Another possibility is that although the subway system is not air conditioned—it was built in 1932—it is noticeably cooler than what you have up above. Still another possibility is the traffic jam up above. Getting from one town to another in the Hamptons by car, even with the backroads, is terrible. And then there is no place to park.

MAN WITH A LANTERN

On five occasions this past week, a bearded older man wearing a crown of laurel leaves, a white robe and a pair of sandals was spotted walking the tracks between the stations carrying a lantern. He has been seen in Noyac, in Bridgehampton, in Water Mill, in Quogue and in Amagansett, always doing the same thing, swinging the lantern as he walks along in the darkness–the lantern lights his way a little or at least keeps him from stepping on the third rail–looking directly in front of him and then at the last minute, jumping out of the way as the train rushes by.  A philosophy professor from Southampton College, Art Barnes, tells us he thinks this might be Diogenes, a Greek writer, searching for truth. This is nonsense.

Please contact our main office in Hampton Bays if you see this man, as we wish to talk to him.

FREE SUBWAY TOKENS!!

Our new public relations director, Herbert Johan Ellis, is starting things off with a bang with his free subway token giveaway. Everybody who buys a swipe card at the token booth will be given a paper bag with 50 tokens in it as a thank-you for using the Subway System. We have several million tokens in the basement of our headquarters on Ponquogue Avenue in Hampton Bays, all left over from the bygone days when tokens got you on the subway–they don’t do that anymore, and Mr. Ellis felt it was time to give them away as souvenirs to the customers. What are you going to do with your bag?

SATURDAY FREE FOOD

In spite of objections by the Subway Restaurant Chain, which has the contract to sell food on the platforms through its concession stands, we will, late this Saturday afternoon, be giving away free samples of some of the food being offered at Dan’s Taste of Two Forks, the huge July 16 event being promoted by that well-known newspaper Dan’s Papers, beginning at 6:30 pm for VIPs and 7:30 for everybody else. The catchy slogan for the event, which happens to be true, is “40 restaurants, 20 wineries, one night.”

The giveaway of free hors d’oeuvres, one to a rider, takes place on the subway system on cars heading westbound east of Bridgehampton (the event is at Sayre Park by the horseshow grounds) or eastbound west of Bridgehampton between 5:30 and 6:30 pm. It ends promptly at 6:30.  Bottoms Up!

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I am off in Bermuda getting a much-needed rest. I’ll be back for Taste of Two Forks, guaranteed, since I’m using the company plane and there can be no delays since its use is all at my say-so. [/expand]