Countdown to the 12-21-12 Apocalypse: 8 Days Remain

Welcome back.

Some people have mistakenly reported that December 12, 2012 was supposed to mark the End Times, but the Mayan calendar quite clearly tells us December 21, 2012, 12-21-12, is the REAL end of the world. As everyone now knows, it wasn’t Y2K either.

That said, yesterday, 12-12-12, did provide more fascinating evidence that the planet will go up in flames, literally and figuratively, 8 days from today.

As a public service, Dan’s Hamptons‘ crack staff of scientific and esoteric researches has been gathering proof of the 12-21-12 apocalypse so our readers can stop their Sisyphean routines and enjoy our last days on Earth.

DAY 3

Last night, a host of Hamptons A-listers and international celebrities gathered at Madison Square Garden in Manhattan to watch or participate in 12-12-12 The Concert For Sandy Relief. The historic “Live Aid” style concert was jam-packed with entertainment, but it also contained a few hidden clues about the coming Armageddon.

The first piece of what we’ll call “The 12-12-12 Concert Code” is R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe’s coming out of retirement to perform “Losing My Religion” with pal and Hamptons resident Chris Martin (who also signaled The End of Days by showing an unexpected sense of humor).

Though Stipe returned to retirement immediately after the performance, we believe he may still play an epic rendition of “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” as the sun goes dark and we brace for the asteroid hurtling toward our planet.

Stipe and Martin were followed by Paul McCartney, who opened with Charles Manson favorite “Helter Skelter” as a prelude to our impending doom, but he sealed the destruction of civilization by fronting a Nirvana reunion with Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic and Pat Smear (also formerly of The Germs).

Clearly the talented quartet was answering the prayers of fans worldwide, many of whom tweeted and posted that they could now “die happy.” It should also be mentioned that a rock team-up of this magnitude must be God’s final gift before He takes it all away.

Finally, we know something is wrong in the world when so many senior citizens in the 12-12-12 lineup were able to rock so hard. This was probably best demonstrated by the onstage acrobatics of 67-year-old guitar legend Pete Townshend of The Who.

Some kind of mad-scientist gene splicing must be at play. It’s just not natural. It’s awesome, but it’s not natural.

Check back tomorrow for our DAY 4 evidence that a cataclysm awaits on December 21, 2012.

Find previous installments of our Countdown to the 12-21-12 Apocalypse here: DAY 1, DAY 2