Meditate Illegally–And Get Away With it

Sag Harbor’s Zoning Board deemed the back room of the Vajravarahi Buddhist Meditation Center legal for meetings and meditation last week.

The board’s January 15 decision supported Vajravarahi’s argument that it is primarily a bookstore that sells educational materials about meditation and Buddhism, and the back room activities only support that business, according to The Sag Harbor Express.

Vajravarahi was lucky the Zoning Board fell on their side of Sag Harbor’s strict village code, but the situation raises questions about those still meditating illegally on the East End. If one chooses to engage in illegal meditation, it’s important to be prepared.

DansHamptons has put together a few tips and great spots to help our readers meditate illegally and get away with it on the East End.

Beneath the Sag Harbor/North Haven Bridge

There is a wonderful, little known area perfect for meditating undisturbed under the bridge between Sag Harbor Village and North Haven. Local police were oblivious when someone covered the entire wall down there with graffiti, and Village officials decided not to remove it, so there’s little chance anybody will catch or prosecute someone meditating at the secluded waterside spot.

Camp Hero

Way out on the tip of the South Fork, Montauk’s Camp Hero is a hotbed of mystical energy. The abandoned military base is rumored to be the site of all kinds of mind control and time travel experiments, and a giant radar dish stands tall as it’s central structure. Try channeling this energy to enhance your Kundalini and clear any pesky catches in your chakras. Rock your lotus position on top of the radar tower for the ultimate boost—if you don’t mind risking a trespassing ticket along with any illegal meditation citations.

Blind

Sunday is the last day of duck hunting season on Long Island, so take advantage of all those empty local blinds. When the gunfire stops, area duck blinds actually become quite tranquil this time of year. Most sit in or alongside lovely local ponds and lakes. The views are gorgeous and there’s usually a nice place to sit and commune with nature. Be careful not to be mistaken for the vandals who have been destroying blinds in recent weeks, or have them mistake you for a solitary unarmed hunter. You don’t want to run into either side of that fight.

Traffic Nirvana

Best suited for finding your bliss in summertime, Hamptons traffic could be the ultimate refuge for clandestine Zen activities. While most find the bumper-to-bumper gridlock inspires road rage, punched steering wheels and homicidal urges, a proper Buddhist should transcend such tendencies. A traffic jam can be the perfect place to sneak in some nothingness. Just sit back, forget about the heat, the honking and the palpable tension on the road, and go to that quiet place in your mind. People will assume you’ve simply snapped and gone catatonic (it’s been known to happen). No one will suspect an illegal meditator is in their midst. (This also works when standing in line.)