The Hampton Subway Week of February 16 – 22, 2013

Riders this past week: 5,102 (record low)

Rider miles this past week: 48,991 (record low)

DOWN IN THE TUBE

Jon Stewart and Mayor Giuliani were seen on two different subway cars going from Water Mill to Bridgehampton. They come from two different worlds, so that’s okay.

SNOW DELAY

The huge record–breaking snowfall that hit the Hamptons last weekend during Storm “Nemo” also broke records for snowdrifts down on the subway tracks. Service was shut down for two days. Until now, the worst snowfall on record down on the subway tracks—it comes through the ceiling grating vents in various places—was in 1947 when nine inches got through to the tracks in Southampton. This year’s storm saw 11 inches fall through the grating vents to the tracks in Quogue by 4 p.m. on Saturday. The service was shut on the entire system until
6 a.m. Monday morning to clean up the mess. What will we have to deal with next?

SKELETON FOUND

Subway workmen enlarging an underground warehouse off the subway tunnel between East Hampton and Amagansett found what was at first believed to be the skeleton of an ancient cave dweller on Thursday afternoon. The men were enlarging that warehouse when they came upon it. The enlargement was occurring because Hampton Subway made a deal with the Town of East Hampton to store all 17 of their wooden lifeguard stands next winter down there where it is damp and cool. It soon turned out the skeleton was that of a goat, however, so everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

SWIPE CARDS BEING MODIFIED

Some bad people have been making counterfeit subway swipe cards. For the cost of these cards—you can print up a thousand of them for just $50—you can get tens of thousands of dollars in free subway rides if you make them so well nobody can tell the difference, which, in the present case, they couldn’t. Management is ordering all new cards to be issued with a red stripe on them if for eastbound trains and a green stripe on them for westbound trains to fix this problem. We regret the inconvenience, but we really have to flush out these perpetrators.

FLOWERS BEING REMOVED

Members of the Southampton Winter Indoor Garden Club brought 16 barrels of red roses down to the Southampton platform last Wednesday to decorate that for the month of February, and though they were much appreciated and very beautiful, they had to be removed the next day because of the complaints of hay fever sufferers who said winter was their favorite time because they were free of their dreaded disease for that season and though they loved the flowers it wasn’t for them, so we’ve had to remove them. We do hope you enjoyed them for the few days they were there.

REMINDER

To deal with the lesser demand during the month of February, all subway trains will be five cars long instead of six. This gives the subway yard mechanics in Montauk a whole month to completely overhaul seven cars during that month which means that it will take only five years of Februaries to overhaul the whole fleet. Your subway system is on the job.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I will honor subway employee of the month Tim Edelstein on Thursday February 28 at 4 p.m. when I will appear in the company cafeteria on the fourth floor of the Subway Headquarters Building in Hampton Bays to shake his hand. I hope to make this a monthly occurrence.