Hamptons Police Blotter: Nudity, Clams, Vampires

Getting naked is apparently the new way to protest a police search in East Hampton, and M-1 tanks are here to stay on Shelter Island. Only in the Hamptons.

The Naked City
A woman who was arrested for drinking and driving after she crashed her car was brought to police headquarters, where she refused to be searched by officers. The woman allegedly became so angry by the attempted search that she stripped off her clothes and got naked in front of the police officers. According to reports,  she then refused to put her clothing on. She apparently didn’t realize that this defeated the purpose of refusing to be searched.

Shelter Island
Shelter Island was awash with gossip last week when Old Man McGumbus, 103 years old and former World War II pilot, didn’t show up to the weekly meeting for the Shelter Island Association of Clam Shell Management. Doctor Herb Winston, vice president of the association, became alarmed when McGumbus didn’t arrive for roll call and later wasn’t present for the showing of the documentary he filmed about Shelter Island clam migrations being affected by tank tracks in the migrating area. An alert went out to police, who checked on McGumbus and found him driving his M-1 tank through his property. He told police, “Sorry I missed the meeting. I don’t think Doctor Winston knows !@#$!@# about !@#$!@# clams.”

Powerball Craziness
All across the East End last week, local shops selling Powerball tickets were overflowing with people looking to get lucky. With the Powerball jackpot growing so high that even über-wealthy people were looking to take a chance to win nearly $600 million, the throngs on line for the lottery tickets caused a bit of a ruckus. Security forces were able to keep order, and the additional forces used last Saturday will not be needed for the week ahead, as a winning ticket was sold in Florida. In related news, lines for beach stickers were seen getting longer…

Hot Pursuit
As part of a narcotics investigation, police in Southampton were involved in a car chase that ended in a crash. When officers went to pull over a suspect, he made a run for it, attempting to avoid police for the 54th time in his criminal career, but he ended up crashing into a Ford Escape. He was brought to the hospital and arrested. The man is just six shy of his personal goal of being arrested a cool 60 times.

Blood Drive
The Bridgehampton Fire Department held a blood drive last Monday that went smoothly except for one minor incident involving public intoxication. A count reportedly from Romania, was escorted off of the premises after he was allegedly caught shot-gunning a few pints.