Mirror, Mirror...The Best Summer of Them All?

Every kid on Shelter Island is counting down the days, hours, and minutes until the last day of school. Great plans are slowly being hatched.

Which summer kids are coming out this year? Who has a pool? Start being nice to that kid now.

Who has the most lenient parents? Start being nice to those kids now.

Who has access to a car? Start being really nice to that kid now.

Who has rich parents that take everybody along with them on those precious off-Island adventures?

Where can I find an easy summer job to make money?

Who do I know that has a summer job that might spend their money?

Who’s the worst kid I can hang out with this summer to punish my parents for A. not getting me a car B. not letting me drive their car C. telling me to get a summer job D. making me babysit younger siblings—Why do I have to be punished because they wanted more kids? I never got a vote on that, so I shouldn’t be stuck babysitting their mistakes.

Every parent on Shelter Island is counting down the days, hours and minutes until the last day of school. Great plans are slowly being hatched.

Which summer people are coming out with kids so I can send my kids to their house?

Who has a pool? Start ingratiating myself to that person now.

Who has the strictest parents? Start encouraging my kids to make friends with their kids.

Which kids are old enough to drive and have a car? Start sabotaging those friendships now.

Who are the rich summer parents who’ll take my kids along with their kids on off-Island excursions? Be very nice to them and let them know it’s okay for them to take the kids anytime for as long as a week.

Purchase small block of C-4 explosive, attach to video game console. Set timer for four-hour maximum in evenings only. Attach light sensor to C-4 so that video games blow up with a tiny explosion if turned on in the daytime.

Have clean sand ready to add to kids’ beds to drive them to have sleepovers elsewhere.

Who has a boat? Find out the current limitations on what behavior is considered “stalking”—stay within legal limits but don’t lose track of them.

While kids are still in school, start building stamina for yelling. Practice “Go outside and find something to do!” at maximum volume.

Prepare list of chores they can do if they say “I’m bored.”