Plan for Preserving and Protecting East End Sand

Beach erosion on the East End has become a huge topic of discussion recently. And it should be. However, taking into account all the factors that we now know contribute to the loss of our celebrated sand, we should have greater worries than just the loss of these slices of paradise. We could lose the entire Island!

It’s possible that sometime in the next 50 to 75 years, there will be no East End at all. I have been told, but have not confirmed, that some banks won’t place mortgages on the East End longer than 30 years, because they are worried that the area will be under water by then.

At the end of James Michener’s book Chesapeake, the fictional Steed Island, which was located in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay, is actually reclaimed by the wind and water of the bay. What can we do to prevent such an occurrence here?

With the help of Al Gore, it has been well documented that we have a global warming issue. When the earth heats up, the ice melts. This results in a higher water table in the oceans. That means our area will end up underwater and we will be swimming with the fishes.

Global warming is not the only contributing factor. There is also the wind, as it wears down the land mass. Another influence is that sand is leaving the area at an alarming rate, as tourists are unknowingly taking it with them.

As always, I have devised a plan that I believe will protect the East End and preserve the area for generations to come.

First off, to combat the global warming issue, we need to super cool the earth, especially in our immediate area. In order to do so, I have called for all persons, residents or vacationers alike, to open their freezer doors for a minimum of four hours per day. The escaping cold air will then be released into the atmosphere and thus will stop the advancement of the heating process. The same goes for cars. We need to get everyone, even if they are driving convertibles, or have the windows rolled down, to leave their air conditioners running as often as possible.

In order to combat wind erosion, I suggest we install massive windmills off shore. Lots of windmills. This way, the windmills will slow down the speed of the wind as they absorb the energy, thus lessening its speed and effects. They will need to be placed no more than 100 yards apart and surround the entire East End.

The last thing we need to do is to stop people from confiscating the sand from the area. Each time sand is removed, it decreases the overall land mass by that amount. Take for example, beach towels. Visitors use them on the beach, and then pack them away and return to wherever it is they came from. However, what they don’t realize is that the sand residue remains with the towel.

The same is true with the vehicles that are driven to the area. Floor mats trap the sand from feet and shoes. When the car leaves, so does the sand. Sand has also been known to leave by way of bathing suits as well as clinging to various body parts. Sometimes, if the visitor is from far enough away, they will even take a sample of sand with them for remembrance or decorative purposes. Again, each time this happens, the size of the island is reduced by that very same amount. Multiply this by the hundreds of thousands of visitors per year and you can see the overall impact. I propose that a set of rules be posted at all beaches, that reminds all persons to make certain that they do not leave the beach with any sand. And, we should have the various fire departments stationed at strategic locations around the island, with their fire hoses available to “power hose” the departing visitors and their belongings prior to departure.

If we follow these steps, I believe the East End will be around for many centuries to come.

P.S. If you have previously removed sand from the area, please mail it back to “Save the East End” c/o Dan’s Papers.