Hamptons Police Blotter: Helicopter Hunt, Fake ID

Helicopter hunts, Hamptons Police Blotter: Helicopter Hunt, Car Advice

Bringing In The Air Support

Paranoia-prone Sag Harborites were unsettled last Saturday night to see a helicopter circling the skies above the village and shining a searchlight onto the streets below. Of course, if you believe that the government is able to keep tabs on you by tapping your phone calls and following you with satellites, then you might wonder why the government would bother with a hovering helicopter and an old-fashioned searchlight. Just for the record, it seems the police had called in air support to try to smoke out a pesky small-time burglar. This may be the same burglar who recently made off with two St. Pauli Girl beers from a private residence. Watch out!

How Old Are You?

Thirteen young ladies and gentlemen were escorted from the premises of a Montauk nightspot last week when a bouncer discovered that they were all underage and using a fake ID—yes, a single fake ID. It seems the minors were passing a NJ license among them with the name “Terry” on it an all trying to use the gender nonspecific name as their own.

McGumbus Takes To The Skies

Old Man McGumbus, 103, decorated WWII flying ace, captain and sole member of Shelter Island’s volunteer sky patrol, was awoken Saturday night by the sound of the circling helicopter in nearby Sag Harbor. Spying the searchlight, and convinced that Shelter Island was under attack, he immediately sprang into action, taking to the skies in his trusty old B-17 equipped with machine guns and a secret cache of unexploded ordnance. After completing two perimeter runs around the island, however, McGumbus’ fuel gave out, and he was forced to make an emergency water landing in Gardiners Bay, where he was rescued by a local fisherman on Sunday morning. Upon being told that the helicopter was only searching for a burglar, McGumbus grumbled something about “those darned hippies” and went back to sleep.

Moving Violations

On Monday night, at a vineyard on the North Fork, officials cited around 3,000 revelers for “freaking out” in public, and further charged them with “disco dancing with reckless abandon.” Five hundred partyers were additionally cited for “shamelessly shaking their caboose” and “making some noise.” All charges were dropped, however, when it was explained to the officers that “these were the good times” and that you can’t help but “freak c’est Chic.”