East End Birthrate Will Surge Following Snowy Winter

If you don’t like crowds or crying babies, it might be time to move to Montana or Wyoming.

The East End birthrate is going surge this fall, September through November, and our population will grow as a result. Typically, by early fall, the tourists have all but disappeared and we’re back to the serenity that we as locals cherish. This is what allows us to tolerate the traffic and crowds that descend upon us each summer. But thanks to one particular lady, we can now kiss that thought goodbye.

Her name is Mother Nature. Because she elected to send snowstorm after snowstorm our way this past winter, we will now have to live with the consequences. What are those consequences? Babies—lots of babies.

Some East Enders may remember Tuesday, November 9, 1965. A blackout on the East Coast affected some 30 million people., and the fact that birthrates spiked exactly 9 months later is an indication of what many of those people did while the lights were out.

Here’s how it works: Any time there is an event or events that force people to remain in their homes for extended periods of time, as was the case this past winter, people get bored…and couples get busy.

These facts helped me form a hypothesis—as a result of the continuous crappy weather we endured this winter, the number of pregnant women on the East End is greater than at any time in our history. This, of course, means more births this fall.

To prove my suspicions, I made an appointment with a local OBGYN. Though I got a few stares in the waiting room and had to pay for the visit, he confirmed my hypothesis. Yes, there has in fact been a significant increase in pregnancies this year.

In the final analysis, even if we had known what was to come, we still could not have done anything about it. As the saying goes, “You can’t fool Mother Nature.”