The Hamptons ATEs: A Behavioral Guide

Now that Memorial Day weekend, which is also the unofficial start of the Hamptons summer season, is upon us, we at DansPapers.com have some announcements to make.

Let us start by saying welcome home to our returning homeowners.

Likewise, if you are a returning visitor…welcome back.

And if you are a first-time visitor, don’t forget to mind your “ATEs”.

The Hamptons “ATEs” are a guide for all first-time visitors to our island paradise. These hallowed rules have been carefully crafted to make the Hamptons experience more enjoyable for all. They are as follows:

1. Do not initiATE contact with one of the many celebrities you will undoubtedly come across here.

2. Do not hesitATE to tip your Hamptons service people 25 percent or more. They are some of the finest and hardest working people anywhere.

3. Do not celebrATE to the point that you are being a nuisance to others.

4. Do not instigATE any form of altercation during your stay.

5. Do not forget to reciprocATE when someone lets you merge into heavy traffic.

6. Do not urinATE or defecATE anywhere that does not have a door and a toilet.

7. Do not forget to appreciATE the Island by disposing of trash in the proper receptacles and by leaving the area as you found it.

8. Do not attempt to procreATE on the beach or anywhere other public place (a recent poll says this may be largely ignored).

9. Do not agitATE any of the flora or fauna on the Island.

10. Do not demonstrATE any gestures that would be considered vulgar. This includes giving the middle finger, grabbing at your private areas or twerking. Especially twerking.

11. And finally, if you come across one of our local charity events, don’t forget to donATE. Rest assured they are all worthy causes.

Now you are ready to enter the Hamptons. Welcome!