Want to Make $54,000 Trick-or-Treating in the Hamptons?

It is not often that I am anything but proud to say that I live in the Hamptons. However, a recent discovery has left me wondering about this place I call home.

It has come to my attention that certain homes in Beverly Hills, California are giving out cash, video games, movie tickets and other valuable items to trick-or-treaters for Halloween.

Trick-or-treating, also known as guising or souling is where children in costumes go from house to house and ask for candy, treats, etc. That is the treat part. But if the homeowner does not give a treat, there is an expectation that mischief will be performed on their property. Perhaps it is this fear that compels those living in Beverly Hills to be so giving. Or maybe it is just the fact that they want to be known as being generous with their money.

In America, trick-or-treating has been around since the 1950s. But the tradition, as it is recorded in Scotland, dates all the way back to the late 1800s. Masqueraders were rewarded for their efforts with cakes, fruit and even money.

Come on, people—are the children of our area, who get all dressed up and go door to door, less deserving than those little snot-nosed brats in Beverly Hills? The Hamptons is known for its wealth, charity and eccentricity. So why should it be any different when it comes to Halloween?

I am suggesting that this Halloween, everyone in the Hamptons get off their candy asses and set the standard of giving. Considering our collective affluence, I feel each home should be giving at least $100 cash or the equivalent per trick-or-treater. This is only fair and will also help to protect our homes and McMansions from any potential mischief.

If my calculations are correct, I estimate that the 2014 Hamptons trick-or-treat receipt per child will be valued in the neighborhood of $54,000. Take that, Beverly Hills!

Note: Unfortunately I will be out of town on Halloween, counseling relationship challenged sea otters, so please don’t come to my house. My apologies to the kids.