Activists Protest Inaugural Hamptons Deer Sleighing

Outraged local animal activists mobilized this week after Hamptons officials invited the community to a public deer sleighing on December 1.

The announcement says the First Annual Hamptons Holiday Deer Sleigh, which activists are declaring a “brutal travesty,” will begin outside the Montauk Lighthouse with a large public gathering featuring refreshments and food. After revelers enjoy mulled cider, Christmas cookies and other snacks, the announcement says, a team of experts will present eight deer to the community.

“Please join us at Montauk’s most famous landmark as we dress each deer with holiday lights, wreaths and other festive accessories,” the announcement continues, “and then cheer us on as we go about the hard work of sleighing them all!”

Once all eight deer have been sleighed, they will be paraded along Route 27 through each hamlet and village Main Street from Montauk to Southampton. “It will be a long ride, so we encourage everyone to come out clapping and well-wishing as we pass through your town,” officials say in the announcement, adding, “Bring the kids—we’ll be tossing out candy, playing holiday music and giving away ‘First Annual Hamptons Holiday Deer Sleigh’ T-shirts along the way.”

Animal activists, including the Hamptons chapter of the Deer Unite Humanity advocacy group, are gearing up for a massive protest on Thursday, November 12.

“This aggression will not stand,” one outspoken deer lover, who asked to remain nameless, said, promising to bring “this horrific nightmare” into the spotlight on Thursday. “Our protest will put our elected officials’ barbarism into the light,” he said. “It’s a reprehensible use of taxpayers’ money,” the man added.

“I find it highly unlikely that anyone in this community, save for a few sadists and serial killers, will find any delight in public deer executions,” fellow activist Donald Marmote growled. “And the idea that children will enjoy this parade of death is disgusting,” he continued. “I’m a father of twins—eight-year-olds, dude—and I wouldn’t allow them within five miles of this thing.”

Provided East End animal activists continue to struggle with homophones, Thursday’s protest will begin at noon outside the Hamptons Municipal Building.