Bravo's 'Summer House' Official Premiere Airs Tonight

Bravo’s controversial, at least locally, new Hamptons-set reality series, Summer House, officially premieres tonight, Monday, January 16. The network offered a glimpse inside the show’s titular residence in a special two-hour episode of its well established series Vanderpump Rules, which segued into Summer House halfway through, last Monday.

So far, thanks to last week’s sneak peek, we’ve met the cast of nine friends.

Bravo describes entrepreneur Kyle Cooke, 33, as “the life of the party who must decide whether it’s time to grow up or to remain the quintessential bachelor.” After seeing him in action, we can say Kyle is positioned to be the show’s lead bro and quote/hashtag generator. Already, he’s received adulation for drinking frozen margaritas out of a blender like a giant mug, calling visiting Vanderpump star Stassi Schroeder “Saucy” and comparing her to late Apple CEO Steve Jobs because of her turtleneck bathing suit, getting so drunk he could barely stand or speak and doing “Ken doll Tai Chi.” Of course the turtleneck comment led to the funniest moment in the show—when Schroeder is complaining about the Steve Jobs comment and one of Kyle’s bros immediately gets it and shares his realization that it was because of her turtleneck bathing suit. He’s also the guy who is reviled in Montauk for comparing the hamlet to “your mom’s friend’s daughter, who’s a little promiscuous—and by ‘a little,’ I mean a lot.” Clearly, Kyle knows how to be that idiot you love to hate and he might be the show’s most, perhaps only, memorable character, and its saving grace, but we’ll see tonight.

Ashley and Lauren Wirkus, 28, are the “fun-loving identical twins who have reached a crossroads in life,” according to Bravo. One is married. One is single. Both have a serious vocal fry problem, which is compounded by an inability to stop saying “like,” and yammering on. And on. And on. They seem like nice enough women, but it’s not necessarily that nice to make everyone around you want to punch themselves in the face. At one point, Lauren announces to the group that she had a tick near her groin. Sorry, ladies and gents, ticks happen in the Hamptons, . And by the way, that’s a lone star tick, so you should probably get tested for Babesiosis.

The “group newcomer,” Carl Radke, is “a flirtatious ex-model who has caught Lauren’s eye.” The preview reveals Carl to be an unknown to the group, but Kyle says he’s a known player. He and Lauren Wirkus hook up, and twin sister Ashley vows to make sure he doesn’t hurt her. He likes to talk about his blue collar roots and how his family would save up for a year to enjoy a vacation house like this. “I had six days on the beach for one year,” he says. Oh, and he brushes his teeth with a hairbrush. Pretty gross.

Longtime friends Everett Weston, 31, “an ex-Army Iraq war veteran,” and Lindsay Hubbard, “the ultimate alpha female,” show up and “throw everyone for a loop with their newfound love.” The cast complains that they’re acting like a married couple, even talking about marriage, after just two months of dating. One of the twins—who knows which, maybe Ashley?—points out, “What happens if this doesn’t end well?” Not to worry, Everett explains that they’re a team, “like the clownfish and the sea anemone.”

Cristina Gibson, 32, Hubbard’s roommate, is “a freelance reporter who grapples with her friendships.” She also has some requisite vocal fry going on, and she only has a past with about half the cast. She calls the house “a perfect storm of big personalities and crazy people.”

Stephen McGee, “the wild card of the bunch who isn’t afraid to speak his mind” (AKA the sassy gay guy), whines about his friend Everett having a relationship with Lindsay, leaving him with “the Malibu Barbie twins and their drunk cousin” (Kyle).

Jaclyn Shuman is “a flirty, newly single girl-next-door type who is looking to be distracted from a broken heart.”

As described by Bravo, in tonight’s premiere episode, “Codependence Day,” it’s America’s birthday, and what better way to celebrate than rosé all day! This 4th of July there are fireworks in and out of the house as Lauren and Carl’s relationship heats up, while Kyle juggles two girls. Everett and Lindsay prove to be anything but the perfect couple, as their explosive antics dash any hopes for a drama-free summer.

Watch the Summer House cringe-fest on Bravo tonight at 10 p.m.