Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of June 30 – July 5, 2017

By Dan Rattiner

4 minute 07/03/2017

Hamptons Subway Third Place roset — Hamptons Subway’s Third Place roset, Photo: magone, Ruslan Gilmanshin/123RF

Week of June 30 – July 5, 2017
Riders this past week: 42,090
Rider miles this past week: 201,057

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Jimmy Buffett was seen Thursday morning heading from Noyac to Sag Harbor on the subway, humming a tune. Paul Simon was seen Monday afternoon heading from Amagansett to East Hampton humming a tune. And former Southampton mayor Mark Epley was seen on Hamptons Subway Sunday afternoon heading from North Sea to Noyac humming a tune.

THEFT
The New York Subway system has been in the news during these last few weeks, as it’s having to deal with all sorts of breakdowns and delays, which they say is because much of its equipment is very old and out-of-date and they simply don’t make replacement parts anymore.

But then, last Wednesday, eight executives from the Metropolitan Transit Authority came to the executive offices of Hamptons Subway in Hampton Bays unannounced, asking to speak to Subway Commissioner Aspinall. According to those who attended the meeting, the New York Executives wanted to confirm that the Hamptons Subway still uses the original switching and rolling stock equipment from when Hamptons Subway was founded in 1927, and, hearing that it does, asked if we would be willing to sell the MTA some of these spare parts that aren’t made anymore. They pointed out, correctly, that the equipment and building materials used to build the Hamptons Subway were stolen by a New York City builder who had a contract to build the Lexington Avenue Line that year and suggested that, in fact, Hamptons Subway’s equipment really belongs to the MTA.

Commissioner Aspinall, as you might imagine, did not go along with this claim and, after dismissing the executives from New York, came to notice that some of their associates, who had been looking through the backup equipment, left the Hamptons just an hour before several switching mechanisms were reported missing. Who could have stolen them?

Hamptons Subway has called in laid-off and retired subway flagmen to handle the switching and stop/go signals that used to be accomplished by this equipment.

SUBWAY RACES
Some local kids got into the subway system at 3 a.m. Tuesday morning, stole several of the parked trains and, for two hours, engaged in high-speed subway races between Montauk and Westhampton. Maintenance men who ordinarily clean and repair the rolling stock during the night, after service shuts down at 2 a.m., had to huddle by the escalators by the back of the platform as these kids, throttles wide open, came roaring through at 80 miles an hour. The maintenance work was therefore not fully completed by Tuesday at 6 a.m. when the system reopened, and we regret any lack of cleanliness as a result. Our security staff will pull an all-nighter this Friday in the hopes of catching these perps at it again.

COMMISSIONER QUESTIONS AWARD
Hamptons Subway was awarded the white third-place ribbon at the annual competition in Atlanta for all subway systems in the nation in our category of 50 employees and under. Since only two subway systems entered this 50 and under category, Commissioner Aspinall has filed a protest with the Subway Competition authorities. Meantime, the white third-place ribbon is on display in the trophy case in the lobby of the Hamptons Subway building for all to see. Photography is not allowed.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Next weekend is our biggest weekend of the year here in the Hamptons. It might be best if you just decided not to use the subway system until after the weekend.