Thanking God: It’s Been a Wonderful Summer in October – What’s Next?

I had a little talk with God last evening.

“I want to thank you for all the beautiful weather we’ve had in the Hamptons this fall. It’s been summertime for nearly two months now—September and October—and it’s just terrific.”

“You’re welcome.”

“But if you don’t mind my asking, Sir, why did we have such horrible weather all summer—not only here in the Hamptons, where it was rainy and cold, but also all around the country where we had those disasters, all those hurricanes, floods and fires? Houston. Florida. Puerto Rico. California. The Virgin Islands. I just don’t remember anything like this.”

“I got mad.”

“What?”

“It started when Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord, and then everything since. He’s restarted the coal mining. He’s loosened regulations about oil spills. He’s legalizing toxic material. He’s going to drill in national parks. I mean, there is only so much I can take.”

“So you just took it out on us?”

“Well, at first, I thought a demonstration like this would bring him to his senses. He paid no attention. It was all about being mad after that. All I can do when I’m mad, after all, is wrath.”

“I’m sorry you did that.”

“Well, I got over it. I’m not mad anymore. Just sad. And then I got to thinking, what I really ought to do is to make it up to you people.”

“So we’ve had this wonderful summer in the Hamptons in what was supposed to be fall?”

“How did you like it?”

“We love it. The crowds are gone. We’ve had the beaches to ourselves. We’ve been out sunbathing, sailing, surfing, building sandcastles, throwing Frisbees around.”

“I noticed.”

“Which is why I wanted to thank you tonight.”

“You’re welcome.”

“But that’s just us here in the Hamptons.”

“It’s been that way all over the country.”

“Really?”

“People only talk about the weather where they are. But I’ve had prayers of thanks from Atlanta and Chicago and even Portland, Oregon. It’s everywhere. I saw to that.”

“Wow. But what happens now? It’s nearly November. Do we get fall? Do we just skip fall?”

“Would you mind that?”

“I think we need at least a little fall. A week or so. I really hope you don’t just thunder down into winter and instead give us nice sunny, windy days where we wear jackets and can have bracing beach walks and everything.”

“I really don’t know what I’ll do.”

“What?”

“It depends on how I feel. Maybe there will be more wrath.”

“Oh, I hope you don’t do that.”

“Who can predict the weather?”

“The Farmers’ Almanac does for a whole year ahead.”

“They just say they do. I’m God. Not The Farmers’ Almanac.”

“That’s true.”

“The Farmers’ Almanac is fake news.”

“If you say so.”

“I say so.”

“And we’ve got the holidays coming.”

“If wrath doesn’t come up this fall, if Donald Trump would just offhandedly comment he might rejoin the fight against global warming, I will guarantee you a white Christmas.”

“Wow.”

“You will have a beautiful, powdery, silent snowfall right at dawn on Christmas Day, right after Santa Claus comes through.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want him to have to deliver packages in a blinding snow. We’ve got to give him a little love, too.”

“Yes, we do.”

“If Mr. Trump makes just one phone call to Santa, thanking him, I’ll know about it.”

“Yes, you will.”

“I’ve got to go. It’s a tweet coming in. I hope it’s not too ghastly. God only knows what this one says.”

“I thought you knew everything.”

“Almost everything.”