We’ve celebrated some very fake-sounding, yet entirely real, holidays over the years, but March 11’s Worship of Tools Day is just bizarre. It brings to mind an image of a burly man (or woman) offering a sacrifice of golden screws to the great power drill in the sky, and that’s a mental image no one should have to see.

Not much is known about this mythical holiday, other than the fact that its theme song is “If I Had a Hammer” by Peter, Paul and Mary and that it’s a day when people are supposed to patronize local hardware stores and buy fancy new monkey wrenches, power drills or whatever tools the cool kids are buying these days. Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow has a shopping guide we can refer to.

We’ve put together some great guides ourselves, featuring some of the East End’s amazing businesses who take care roofing, installing cabinets, setting up fences and the like. However, for the day-to-day fixes, it’s important to have the proper tools and to know how to use them, so check out Dan’s Best of the Best Hardware Stores in the Hamptons and on the North Fork.

Hamptons

Platinum
Shinnecock True Value
849 Country Road 39, Southampton
631-283-2047, truevalue.com/shinnecocktruevalue

Gold
Westhampton True Value
223A Montauk Highway, Westhampton Beach
631-288-1544, westhamptontruevalue.com

Silver
Emporium True Value Hardware
72 Main Street, Sag Harbor
631-725-0103, emporiumhardware.com

Bronze
Shinnecock Ace Hardware
91 West Montauk Highway, Hampton Bays
631-728-4602, acehardware.com

North Fork

Platinum (tie)
Orlowski Hardware Company
320 Love Lane, Mattituck
631-298-8420, orlowskihardware.com

Platinum (tie)
Southold Ace Hardware
54795 Route 25, Southold
631-779-2676, acehardware.com

Gold
Jamesport True Value Hardware
1403 Main Road, Jamesport
631-722-4414, truevalue.com/jamesport

To browse all of Dan’s Best of the Best winners, check out DansBOTB.com.