60 Summers Throwback: You Read It First in Dan's Papers, from March 18, 1988

From the March 18, 1988 issue of Dan’s Papers:

Originally, with Democrats anyway, they were called the seven dwarfs. A group of seven men running for the presidency. On the Republican side, they didn’t have a name, but there were almost as many: Bush, Dole, Haig, Robertson, Kemp.

Well it’s been almost a year now, and these dozen people have been crisscrossing the country on jet planes, making speeches and shaking hands, all with funds that have been provided to them by supporters. Now they have lost and the drive for the presidency is over. They are among the unemployed. But not for long. I am here to tell you, and you have read it here first, that all the former candidates will be working jobs in the Hamptons this summer.

Paul Simon will be wearing white, driving a white truck and selling ice cream at the beach.

Al Haig will be with the police department. He will be the guy who marks chalk on the tires of parked cars and tells everyone to move on.

Gary Hart will be teaching waterskiing and sailing in Shinnecock Bay. He will have a second job as a lifeguard on Coopers Beach in Southampton Village.

Jack Kemp will be a salesman for Gurney’s Inn in Montauk selling timeshares.

Bob Gephardt will be delivering Dan’s Papers to all the stores with the rest of the crew.

Pete DuPont got a job working the front desk at the Maidstone Club.

Pat Robertson is going to be waiting tables at Bowden Square in Southampton.

Albert Gore will be making sandwiches on the night shift at a deli in Southampton.

When you see these gentlemen here in the Hamptons this summer, try not to mention the presidential campaign. Instead, give them a big smile and with them a nice day.

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