Ask Beatty: Does Pornography Affect Our Sex Lives?

When it comes to sex, we talk about it. We argue about it. We laugh about it. We read about it. We listen to music about it. We fantasize about it. Millions seek out sexually explicit movies and videos, and purchase a multitude of sex toys — never before available on the market.

The global sex toy industry, estimated at $35.1 billion in 2020, is projected to rise to an unprecedented $54.6 billion by 2026. Researchers have begun to wonder whether there is a correlation in possible addiction rates to porn as a result of such easy access to it.

ONLINE PORN STATISTICS

There have been numerous studies conducted on pornography use which have revealed some interesting findings:

1. 40 million U.S. adults regularly visit internet pornography websites.
2. 10% admit to having an addiction to internet pornography.
3. 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction.
4. 20% of men and 13% of women access porn while at work.
5. 70% of women keep their cyber activities secret.
6. 1 in 3 visitors to all adult websites are women.
7. Women favor porn chat rooms twice as much as men.
8. Among college-aged adults, 87% of men report having used or viewed pornography. In contrast, 31% of women in the same age group have done so.
9. Every second of every day, 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.
10. Every second of every day, 372 people are typing the word “adult” into a search engine.
11. Every day, there are 68 million search queries to pornography sites.
12. 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography.
13. 70 million people visit online pornography sites every day.

Over the past 35 years as a practicing psychotherapist and sex therapist, I have found that pornography itself is not necessarily a problem for relationships — assuming, of course, that both partners are in agreement.

However, I have observed that excessive use can lead to difficulty in the bedroom, infidelity, guilt, shame, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders.

Excessive pornography consumption may also impact a person’s ability to form healthy relationships, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

WHAT’S BEHIND THE DECLINE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY?

With all of this apparent interest and exposure to sexual stimulation, we might at least expect and hope that Americans are enjoying a more sexually satisfying, problem-free sex life. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Almost one-third of Americans in 2021 reported having no sex at all in the past year.

In a 2022 Scientific American article, “People Have Been Having Less Sex Whether They’re Teenagers or 40-Somethings,” researchers have observed a decline in sexual activity around the world, from Japan to Europe to Australia to the United States.

One of the most comprehensive sex studies to date, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, found evidence of declines in all types of partnered sexual activity in the U.S. Over the course of the study from 2009 to 2018, those surveyed reported declines in penile-vaginal intercourse, anal sex and partnered masturbation. The decreases “aren’t trivial,” as the authors wrote in their study. The researchers obtained the self-reported information and used responses from 4,155 people in 2009 and 4,547 people in 2018. These respondents ranged in age from 14 to 49 years of age.

In another study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, between 2009 and 2018, the proportion of adolescents reporting no sexual activity, either alone or with partners, rose from 28.8 % to 44.2%.

MY OWN FINDINGS

In my private practice, I’ve found several reasons for my own patients’ lack of sexual desire — whether they had a partner or not. These include:

1. Untreated depression, anxiety and other psychiatric problems, early child sexual abuse, sexual assault, general fatigue, lack of sleep, work, boredom, extramarital affairs, pornography, unemployment, loss of a loved one, not having a partner and gaming.
2. Unsatisfying relationships and unsatisfying sex.
3. Sexual side effects of a multitude of prescription and non-prescription drugs.
4. The challenges of illnesses.
5. Menopause.
6. Erectile dysfunction.
7. Premature ejaculation.
8. Reduced hormone levels for both men and women.

CONCLUSION

If any or all or these issues are getting in the way of your sex life and your relationships, the very best thing that you can do is reach out and ask for professional help. When people are willing to take the necessary steps to acknowledge, address and resolve their issues, whatever they many be, the quality of their lives, including their sex lives, can change in wonderful ways that you never dreamed possible!

Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly “Ask Beatty Show” on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in NYC and East Hampton. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can email your questions and comments to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more info, go to beattycohan.com.