Hamptons Subway Police Rescue Giant Raccoon, New Art & More from the Rails

SEEN ON THE SUBWAY

Last Monday, to the chagrin of many B-list celebrities, a group of A-list celebrities chartered the First Class Deluxe luxury car, the front car of the Hamptons Subway, to take them to the invitation-only Ed Sheeran concert at the Stephen Talkhouse in Amagansett. The car left the Westhampton stop at 5:30 p.m. and stopped at every station heading east along the way to pick up the various A-listers.

All were excited to have been invited to this event to listen to this four-time Grammy winner. They were Robert Kraft, Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy, Jon Bon Jovi, Paul McCartney and his daughter Stella McCartney, John Mayer, Michael J. Fox, Gwyneth Paltrow and her son Moses, Howard Stern and his wife Beth Stern, Jerry Seinfeld and his wife Jessica, Billy Joel and his daughter Alexa Ray Joel, Christie Brinkley and her daughter Sailor Brinkley Cook, David Portnoy and Silvana Mojica and David Zaslav.

All fit rather snugly in the luxury car, which has luxury seating for only 13, so on this charter, some stood holding the overhead straps while others sat. Also, the attendants on this luxury car were asked to pull the blinds down so onlookers could not look in as this special car paraded to Amagansett. After the concert, the Deluxe car took everyone back home to their respective stops.

DELAY FOR ART

There will be a 40-minute delay at noon on the Springs platform on Saturday, August 26 as painter Eduardo Fenestre, who was contracted to create a mural for that stop, supervises the installation of his 23-foot-long painting of a cow. When the canvas is brought down the escalator to the platform of the Springs station, the rear parts of the painting have to stick out over the tracks for a time as the cow is maneuvered into position.

After that, subway riders waiting for the train can enjoy the treat of watching as other assistants, using hammer and nails, mount the painting on the brick wall there. And the trains can proceed.

RACCOON RESCUED, THEN LOST AGAIN

What may be the largest raccoon in the history of the world was rescued from an air duct in the subway system between Southampton and Hampton Bays.

Officials from the subway had investigated reports of an occasionally blocked air duct at that point, and found the raccoon inside the duct, able to move around, but occasionally sitting on the duct grating.

Last Friday at 10 a.m., a team of Hamptons Subway policemen with a noose and rope, a taser and some raw meat got inside a metal cage that had been placed over the ground level grating on the ductwork, removed the grating and climbed down the shaft into the duct. There, they lured the raccoon over with the meat, darted him into unconsciousness and, using a winch, hauled him up to the surface.

There, inside the cage, it became apparent that this raccoon was far bigger than anybody thought. With the two men there, he filled the cage. Estimates are that he weighed about 150 pounds.

In any case, as the men were hurriedly leaving the cage, the raccoon woke up, leaped and ate one of them, giving the other man time to get away. In the confusion, the raccoon, who observers say was the size of a Volkswagen, also got away, running off into the bushes in spite of all efforts to get him to stop.

Residents of the area are advised to stay indoors at night and keep all doors locked as raccoons know how to open unlocked doors by twisting the doorknobs.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I am so pleased to announce that Eloise-Melissa Goldenstein of New York and Southampton and Prince Ali Xavier Bedouin of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia are to be married on the platform of the Southampton Subway station on September 2 between the hours of noon and 11 p.m. This is a first for the Hamptons Subway system, and it has come about because of my longstanding relationship with my good friend Harold Goldenstein, the billionaire oil refinery king and philanthropist who lives in Southampton, New York City, Barbados and Vail, among other places.

Mr. Goldenstein has purchased that period of time for this wedding not only on the Southampton platform but on the entire rest of the subway system as well, so during those hours, the subway will be closed to the public. He plans to have all the subway cars festooned with flowers and different performances and acts at each of the subway platforms from Eastport to Montauk so that the invited guests — and I am told there will be about 1,500 of them flown in from all over the world — can go back and forth between these locations.

The London Symphony Orchestra will be performing in East Hampton, the Bolshoi Ballet will be performing in North Sea and at the Westhampton Beach platform, Madonna will give a rare appearance. These are just a few of the entertainers who will be here.

I know this is an inconvenience for the general public for that Saturday, but Mr. Goldenstein is a major contributor to the First Class Deluxe subway car project.

Your patience is requested. And look for the teams of Clydesdale horses that will be clip-clopping through our streets carrying the invited guests in antique horse carriages from their hotels to the various venues.

I have just been informed — and this comes at the request of the town — that Hamptons Subway must take responsibility for the horse poop dropped by the Clydesdales during this event. For this once-in-a-lifetime, all-day job, stop by our Hampton Bays office with your resume. Experience with shoveling and bagging horse poop is a plus. We have five job openings.